I know nothing about taxes where you live but here in the U.S. custody orders often spell out who will get to claim the children as dependents for tax purposes. One less thing to have conflicts about down the road.  You may want to ask your accountant about it.

ooh she just managed to get right under my skin
so i just found out that next Saturday her going out is to another all nighter probably coming home at 3-4am "but its ok this time as i'm driving" was her gambit, then she tried something very low, she goes "you wouldn't have a problem with this if it was a normal event" implying i am some raging homophobe.
I bit hard on that one, as i have said to her countless times i object to her rocking up at home in the small hours of the morning, i couldn't give a fig what she does with her time or who she does it with.
you were all right they are just selfish ,self entitled people, i need her gone asap 

my mind is fully made up, i am pressing go on the divorce on Monday.

okay.  glad to hear it's a law firm you are familiar with.  

and also that you have recognised this is a situation where you are a responsible caring type of person attempting to negotiate the process of divorce with a selfish type of person.  Hard as it is, it's going to help a lot.

I'm a considerate person, I listen to the other - no problem if the other person is considerate too, things are easily sorted, but can be a real problem when it is a self-entitled person who is just going to take advantage and keep on doing so.  and I think oh I can fix this with this adjustment only to find I am faced with another.  This is where my solicitor was so good - I made headway by listening to her and doing what she told me.

You know that old fashioned term cupboard love?  someone who loves you for what you provide.  well what happens when you stop providing?  you are likely to see a whole other side to your wife between here and getting the papers signed. 

 

jamie, yes.  it is a bombshell.  and it's still reverberating.

the concept of cupboard love helps you come to terms with what is a sort of crazy making impossibility - that your wife hasn't just changed into a monster, she's been one all along.  it's a dramatic deficit between you, who is giving to her and her who is taking from you.

we feel it but don't see it, not our best friend, no we think oh we think how good they are to put up with us and that is so far from the truth - I realised he'd made me think I was at fault, he'd played on my insecurities.

once my ex couldn't play me any more he focused on playing other people to get them to have a go at me.  and he started taking things out of the house and stashing them at a friends.  etc. etc. etc.  none of it nice caring friendly stuff.  all about getting what he could out of me and making me hurt as much as he could.



 

Lily, you summed the exiting gay spouse well.  Jamie,  your're seeing the entitlement , while they are actively hurting us,  that knows no bounds.    

It was a confusing conundrum for me.. She wanted, expected, all my time, talents,  resources and the privileges of being married to me.. but didnt want to be married to me.    Further she expected these thing while actively cheating on me, technically still married,  and  (cant make this up) after she'd taken her wedding rings off.      In short  she expected my honor and stoic good behavior while we were divorcing.    Its here i saw here broken morality.. between what is right and what is wrong.   Its not surprising though...if they can cheat on us in good conscious it stands to reason they can justify all other
bad treatment of us.     

 It doesn't have to be this way.. they could be kind but they choose not to...or in some sick way in their head they think they are being kind.     Best to get far away from this sort of  "kindness".

Know that at this point , you can choose how to act...how nice to be.. how assertive to be.   Generally any assertiveness will be seen as being "mean" to them.    Do not feel bad... know this is the consequences of their actions... this they knew but ignored when they cheated and chose..   Do not left her shift blame for anything now to you.      My GX to this day acts like it was all me..bestowed offenses on me that I didnt do or if I did , I didn't initiate.  Any kindness I showed is forgotten.    But in this life and the next I can say I was kind and kept all my promises and all my vows.