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October 13, 2021 1:18 pm  #1


I’m pretty sure he’s gay.

Hi I need some insight on what you guys think about my husband I’m more than sure he is gay but I would like your thoughts so
We got married 4 years ago we was dating for 4 years before marriage he was sexually attracted to me well he acted like he was
The night we got married he acted as if he didn’t fit inside me tried again the next morning he did the same he would do other things to me such as fingering and oral sex he wouldn’t let me touch him or give him oral this went on for a while he had this friend who definitely was gay this ‘freind’ would call and text NON STOP until he answered over and over and over they would always text and talk to eachother one time they go on a business trip together my husband comes home the friend calls i answer it because my husband was in the bathroom the friend tells me he wants to fuck my husband and that he wants to marry him but he is laughing while he says this me jokingly says well you had him for a few days now it’s my turn. This was inn the beginning of marriage they would always joke with eachother and the friend would tell him that he wanted to suck his dick n they would laugh and play it off 3 months later I go to visit my family with my husband of course oh I forgot to mention I was still a virgin within that 3 months of marriage I waited til marriage to have sex. I go to visit my family all of a sudden he has sex with me and claims he wants me and he was really hard for me however he wouldnt do these things at home, would never initiate sex or would turn me down this just made me feel like he knew what he needed to do to get me to come home with him? Anyway 3 months later I find gay porn in his phone I never said anything to him because I just can’t get the words out when I look at him it’s just so hurtful, he went over a 1 year of not doing anything with me, when I would try to put lingere on he would always make fun of me and just put me down there were stories that I heard that he has had secret boyfriends in the past before our marriage anyway, the sex hasn’t really gotten better fast forwarding to now we have a child together and one on the way we only had sex twice within conceiving
Both children I can say we only had sex around 15-20 maybe less times in the 4 years of marriage he got soft while I was on top riding him but he really enjoyed anal sex however that was only once because I didn’t enjoy it well I can go on and on but I think that is it for now

 

October 13, 2021 2:17 pm  #2


Re: I’m pretty sure he’s gay.

Hi, I’m sorry you are going through this. You sound confused and I can’t say I blame you.

What do you want in your relationship?
What type of marriage did you dream of? Is your marriage meeting that expectation so far?
What kind of dad is he, is he involved with them regularly?

What you’ve describe so far is alarming to me, so sorry, but what he is doing to you, the jokes, what he’s told you, in my opinion, is disrespectful and not something I think a caring partner would ever say, especially in the middle of sex.

Is there anyone close to you that you can confide in, someone you trust. It’s such a confusing experience and With minimal experience, well, it can make it all the more confusing.

Take care, post as much as you need. We all understand.


I never cease to wonder at the cruelty of this land, but it seems a time of sadness is a time to understand, is it mine, oh lord is it mine, when everything is dark ….. Roger Hodgson. 
 

October 13, 2021 5:47 pm  #3


Re: I’m pretty sure he’s gay.

longwayhome wrote:

Hi, I’m sorry you are going through this. You sound confused and I can’t say I blame you.

What do you want in your relationship?
What type of marriage did you dream of? Is your marriage meeting that expectation so far?
What kind of dad is he, is he involved with them regularly?

What you’ve describe so far is alarming to me, so sorry, but what he is doing to you, the jokes, what he’s told you, in my opinion, is disrespectful and not something I think a caring partner would ever say, especially in the middle of sex.

Is there anyone close to you that you can confide in, someone you trust. It’s such a confusing experience and With minimal experience, well, it can make it all the more confusing.

Take care, post as much as you need. We all understand.

I expected a intimate marriage and no it is not what I expected at all I feel I lost a very big part in a marriage that I needed which I came to accept it is never going to be the way I needed you know a normal marriage and sex life

I know my husband will never be into me the way he is supposed to be he is a good father and he does provide for everything we need the second child isn’t born yet so far he is a good father to the first child

I did confide into people close to me however there not much of a help

     Thread Starter
 

October 13, 2021 6:09 pm  #4


Re: I’m pretty sure he’s gay.

Helpme25, he is emotionally and verbally abusing you.  That is very cruel and not an acceptable way to treat a spouse and the mother of your children.

If you can, find a therapist or counsellor you can visit alone and talk through your difficulties with. That will help you be less confused and sort out how you feel and what you want for the future.

It is good you are seeking help for this now, and not making excuses for him.

 

October 13, 2021 6:26 pm  #5


Re: I’m pretty sure he’s gay.

Speaking for myself, I would feel very weirded out if a male friend were constantly making 'jokes' like that with me. The constant texting would also be unacceptable to me.

Gay porn on the phone is also a red flag, in my opinion.

He may be a good father but is he a good husband?

Be well and be good to yourself.


“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
 

October 13, 2021 6:52 pm  #6


Re: I’m pretty sure he’s gay.

Daryl wrote:

Speaking for myself, I would feel very weirded out if a male friend were constantly making 'jokes' like that with me. The constant texting would also be unacceptable to me.

Gay porn on the phone is also a red flag, in my opinion.

He may be a good father but is he a good husband?

Be well and be good to yourself.

It was very odd to me I felt very uncomfortable with him around when I would leave to go somewhere and I knew he was over hanging out I would be so afraid to go into my own house not knowing what I would see

Is he a good husband? Well he provides for me and gives me everything I need financially 🤷🏼‍♀️

     Thread Starter
 

October 13, 2021 7:01 pm  #7


Re: I’m pretty sure he’s gay.

Soaplife wrote:

Helpme25, he is emotionally and verbally abusing you.  That is very cruel and not an acceptable way to treat a spouse and the mother of your children.

If you can, find a therapist or counsellor you can visit alone and talk through your difficulties with. That will help you be less confused and sort out how you feel and what you want for the future.

It is good you are seeking help for this now, and not making excuses for him.

But why not just leave me? At the beginning of marriage?  I suppose I am a cover up.. because I would threaten to leave over the no sex or just not happy he wouldn’t let me I did leave 7-8 months ago I got him back because of our child and probably because I also still loved him but he didn’t put to much of a fight to get me back he also used a excuse of not having sex Bc he caught a std a year before we were married  which was a lie

     Thread Starter
 

October 13, 2021 7:42 pm  #8


Re: I’m pretty sure he’s gay.

Helpme, I hope you have also been tested?

If, I might suggest you explore these podcast topics, I suggest you might want to start with this one, here:
https://www.btr.org/your-husband-is-devaluing-you/

It’s where I, personally started, it helped me to learn a lot about what I was experiencing 

Take care, one day at a time.


I never cease to wonder at the cruelty of this land, but it seems a time of sadness is a time to understand, is it mine, oh lord is it mine, when everything is dark ….. Roger Hodgson. 
 

October 13, 2021 7:52 pm  #9


Re: I’m pretty sure he’s gay.

Helpme25 wrote:

Soaplife wrote:

Helpme25, he is emotionally and verbally abusing you.  That is very cruel and not an acceptable way to treat a spouse and the mother of your children.

If you can, find a therapist or counsellor you can visit alone and talk through your difficulties with. That will help you be less confused and sort out how you feel and what you want for the future.

It is good you are seeking help for this now, and not making excuses for him.

But why not just leave me? At the beginning of marriage?  I suppose I am a cover up.. because I would threaten to leave over the no sex or just not happy he wouldn’t let me I did leave 7-8 months ago I got him back because of our child and probably because I also still loved him but he didn’t put to much of a fight to get me back he also used a excuse of not having sex Bc he caught a std a year before we were married  which was a lie

So I'm guessing the reconciliation has not been what you hoped - in fact has possibly made you even more unhappy. Often getting away for a while clears our head, and then going back shows us more clearly that things are not right.

Helpme, I don't think you will ever understand why he does what he does ... the main thing is to decide what you want to do in the best interests of you and your children.

 

October 13, 2021 8:05 pm  #10


Re: I’m pretty sure he’s gay.

longwayhome wrote:

Helpme, I hope you have also been tested?

If, I might suggest you explore these podcast topics, I suggest you might want to start with this one, here:
https://www.btr.org/your-husband-is-devaluing-you/

It’s where I, personally started, it helped me to learn a lot about what I was experiencing 

Take care, one day at a time.

Thank you. I have been tested and I am clean 😌 thank god!

     Thread Starter
 

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