".. We still talk, we still hug, still ask each other how our days went..."

Sigh...I'm thinking all the guys here have saints for ex's or soon to be ex's.    In my hell (purgatory would be better) my ex could not look at me without flying to violent profanity and  rage..when not raging she made sure she had discrete mean things to say.. otherwise it became complete silence.  Years ago it was nice to come home to a hug and have someone to eat and do things with.   But TGT and the divorce made life a  toxic hell.    Eggshells, rage, silence... I can still shake just writing about it.

I 'm still struggling with the alone thing.  There was and still is immediate relief from the toxic hell..  but my enthusiasm dwindled as I have my kids less  and am by myself more.  I'm getting used to it.. I'm much better company to myself than someone screaming me.     I 'm safe and relish the peace.

I found having a routine and schedule helps a lot both with the loneliness and keeping life simple.  

 

Last edited by Rob (November 16, 2016 10:26 pm)

I joined ao online community for single parents, to meet new people and build a new network as I did not really have any outside my ex's family. This really helped with the lonlyness, and the parties and other events was really fun. Although you should be prepared to listen to some bitching about ex spouses😉
Jack

Clif wrote:

After 27 years mine told me and moved out that same day. Although she came back for more the following week. It is very rare when we see each other and and will be even more so since she moved 1500 miles away to a western state.

At first it was horrible after she left. I was afraid to be in public for fear of tearing up. I was lost for months and kept thinking she would change her mind and come back. We did have a very good sex life. Or at least I thought we did. But that was six years ago.

It no longer pains me to think of. I move furniture, painted walls, threw away things she left behind and made my home my own. It was a slow but steady transition to where I am now. Remarried to a nice, straight woman. Believe it or not this will just be part of your past and you will get better.

Be well,
Clif

Thanks Clif and Jack and Rob and Dee. 

I know I will get through it.  I'm very optimistic that in the long term I will be just fine.. probably much happier than I was when married to my current wife.  

I'm just worried about the next 6 months to a year.  I'm getting very weary of this depression and pain that I'm in.  I'm just sick of being sad.  I'm worried that when she moves out I'll be really miserable and down in the dumps.  I've never lived alone.. i went from home to college roommates to living with my wife.  At most I've gone two weeks by myself.. but I always called her every day that I was gone... so I wasn't alone.. just away. 

I'm going to be really alone.  Fortunately i will have my boys 50%.. so the most I'll go without them is 5 days at a time.  But I'm worried...   I really need to get some routines and plans and figure out how to stay busy.   I'm scared that I'll just sit home and be miserably lonely.  I don't even drink.. so I can't drown the pain in that..


 

Great thread lostdad so thanks for sharing. You wrote:

"But I know that she is itching to buy a house and move out so i don't think it will take that long. I suspect she will move in the next 60 days."

​This sounds familiar and I can only imagine how hurtful it must be for straight husbands/wives to see their soon-to-be-ex-spouse positively beaming at the prospect of 'freedom.' Don't believe the bravado for one damn second friends. While the gay spouse may initially feel giddy at the prospect of 'finally' being free, we're just as scared as you are. And if they're like me, they'll spend that first night alone in tears. Why? Because when you're married to someone for decades, you get used to having someone around. I remember living right next to a train line when I was in university. Every night at 3 a.m. train would pass right next to our apartment, horns blaring. When I moved back home for the summer, I found myself missing that train. So no matter how bad (or noisy) the relationship, there is still a feeling of loss when we find ourselves alone.    

For a time, the gay (male) spouse may try to fill that void with sex. But it's the law of diminishing returns. I'd give back all of those faceless hook ups to chat over tea with my wife, play dinosaurs with my youngest, read a book with my daughter, or to kiss my kids in bed every night. I sometimes wonder if my new 'freedom' was worth giving all of that up.

​What's my point? My point is loneliness is scary for both spouses. The gay spouse may seem excited or even downright giddy at first due to newfound love or a sense of freedom. But even the gay spouse will eventually come back down to Earth and have to deal with the reality of separation, divorce, and potentially spending the rest of his/her life alone. 

​I wish you the best of luck lostdad.