OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+.


For more information about our recent name change, please read our press release or visit our website at https://www.ourpath.org.


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September 13, 2021 8:28 am  #11


Re: Change is hard – The new OurPath name and other things

Sam, for me it's about definitions. I can use any word I like to describe myself, but when it comes to others, we need to be more careful. We are people and not just the 'spouse or partner of  <insert term here>". We are supposed to be the focus of the mission, not a side-story to the journey our spouses/partners or ex-'s are taking. There may not be a good one-size-fits-all definition for us. (For clarity - don't define us solely based on what our partners say they are.)

Last edited by Daryl (September 13, 2021 8:31 am)


“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
 

September 13, 2021 10:57 am  #12


Re: Change is hard – The new OurPath name and other things

Daryl wrote:

Sam, for me it's about definitions.......... We are people and not just the 'spouse or partner of  <insert term here>". We are supposed to be the focus of the mission, not a side-story to the journey our spouses/partners or ex-'s are taking. There may not be a good one-size-fits-all definition for us. (For clarity - don't define us solely based on what our partners say they are.)





Yes, thank you Daryl, this is so very much how I feel too, you expressed this perfectly for many of us!!

Last edited by longwayhome (September 13, 2021 10:58 am)


I can almost see it, That dream I'm dreaming...There's always gonna be another mountain, I'm always gonna wanna make it move...The Climb - Miley Cyrus
 

September 13, 2021 1:56 pm  #13


Re: Change is hard – The new OurPath name and other things

Gloria wrote:

Yes, Elle, you need to get used to our language and customs. The Kia Kaha that you use has three K's in it. I thought that you were in the Klan. I am mixed race so I was offended but I do know some about the ancient African American religion, hoodoo, so things will work to my advantage. Think before you type please. You were allowed to stay so maybe you will get the help that you need. Have a good day..

 

Lmao....what the actual fuck! Kia Kaha has 2 K's in it not 3. And here's a piece of education. I am a New Zealander, we are multi-cultural....Maori being our native language. " Kia Kaha " means " Stay Strong " in Maori, which I previously explained, and it's a phrase that belongs in the straightspouse's narrative.

While your post was initially offensive I realise you're hurting yourself. Maybe you need to think before you type, I haven't been allowed to stay............. I simply learned that to be a member here I had to accept we're not all the same

Elle

Edit by Sam (Admin): I just deleted the original post after it was flagged by another user and I agreed it was offensive. Not sure where it came from, but I did find it amusing she can't count to three......

Thanks Sam....but please don't remove her initial post in my reply to her. It gives other members context

 

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (September 13, 2021 2:16 pm)


KIA KAHA                       
 

September 13, 2021 2:22 pm  #14


Re: Change is hard – The new OurPath name and other things

Steve wrote:

Also is there anyone here who remembers the name Portia?

Portia (a lesbian) caused holy hell in the forum for months.

"Portia" was a handful. She had a transitioning partner but I can't remember which way the partner was transitioning. Posts were difficult to block on that forum, I did correspond with her by email, she would agree to behave and then go blow things up again. She finally begged me to find a way to block her because, she told me "sometimes I can't help myself".  I wound up blocking all posts from her employer, which was fairly large, and hoped nobody else who worked there needed us. She thanked me by email.
 

 

September 13, 2021 2:28 pm  #15


Re: Change is hard – The new OurPath name and other things

Deleted.
 

Last edited by MJM017 (September 13, 2021 4:42 pm)


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

September 13, 2021 2:38 pm  #16


Re: Change is hard – The new OurPath name and other things

Sam (Admin) wrote:

I did correspond with her by email, she would agree to behave and then go blow things up again. She finally begged me to find a way to block her because, she told me "sometimes I can't help myself". 

I was emailing her in the background too saying “Portia… you CAN’T come on the forum and say that!!!” When her bad behavior was pointed out to her she’d double down on it.

Oh Lord there’s been some characters in here over the years and judging by that last deleted post it appears there might still be a few


You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up. 
     Thread Starter
 

September 13, 2021 3:14 pm  #17


Re: Change is hard – The new OurPath name and other things

MJM017 wrote:

Maybe this will help, Elle.. (Will delete by 5pm PST.)
 

[img]https://cdn.boardhost.com/emoticons/cool.png[/img]
 


KIA KAHA                       
 

September 13, 2021 3:46 pm  #18


Re: Change is hard – The new OurPath name and other things

I dislike the new name.  I liked Straight Spouse.  It  identified that we were straight and many of us were spouses.   The LGBTQ+ community gets to proudly announce what letter they belong do.   I liked belong to an organization locally and nationally that proudly said we were Straight.   I also feel that spouse was important because it meant our relationship was not only with a partner but with someone we made a legal and many times religious commitment to and that our husband or wife had lied to us when they made that lifelong commitment to us.   Straight Spouse truly identified who we are.   Our Path seems to bury the Straight and make less important the Spouse components of who we are.   I feel such a name doesn't make us more inclusive,  it makes us watered down and unimportant.   

Our Path makes me feel once again the Straight Spouse is not important and that's how I felt when my wife came out and everybody was celebrating her lesbianism in the name of diversity and didn't care about the harm she did to my son and me.  It feels as if Straight Spouse has become the victim of diversity, inclusion, and political correctness  and this was the one place we didn't have deal with that. 

I guess how I feel is that Straight Spouse in becoming Our Path is like my spouse telling she was gay but on a much smaller scale.  Something I relied upon is no longer what it had held itself out to be. 

 

September 13, 2021 4:09 pm  #19


Re: Change is hard – The new OurPath name and other things

itsabouther wrote:

I dislike the new name. ... 

 

"A Straight Path"...maybe? I agree with much of your personal inner feelings about the change and do feel it takes who we were....straight...and steps us as a group back into the shadows.

Elle
 


KIA KAHA                       
 

September 14, 2021 3:13 pm  #20


Re: Change is hard – The new OurPath name and other things

It's not about a path Elle, it's about identity, a type of being.

I notice OurPath is registered for tax free donations - not sure if that has anything to do with the name change, from my limited knowledge, it is religious groups that get that 501(c)(3) rating.

So, all of that is fine.  And it reflects the roots of this site which is American Christian and I very much respect that, it's good to say who you are isn't it - but this forum is not about religion, it's not about a path, the commonality is of being straight spouses.

and it matters.  it matters.  when we were growing up I remember the braveness of those gay men and women who acknowledged they were different and the thing I heard that struck me was their saying you don't understand what it's like to be me.  Straight people don't understand what it's like for gay people,  

Fair enough, isn't it.  But wait, what about the bit where they go oh it's the same the other way round - gay people don't understand what it's like for straight people either?  

If we have an alphabet we have an alphabet and I want my letter in it too.  

The pain of a straight spouse needs to be acknowledged, it's a wake up call - like a hand touching flame, it's not their hand getting seared - to me it seems like a lack of empathy, the in denial spouse doesn't appear to hear a thing.

 

 

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