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August 15, 2021 6:22 pm  #1


Bisexual

So, I found out that my husband is having some bisexual fantasies.  He likes his butt played with. Is he actually gay?

I don't have a problem with him wanting his prostate massaged, but what if he actually wants a real penis. What do I do?

 

August 15, 2021 6:56 pm  #2


Re: Bisexual

Wife669 wrote:

So, I found out that my husband is having some bisexual fantasies.  He likes his butt played with. Is he actually gay?

I don't have a problem with him wanting his prostate massaged, but what if he actually wants a real penis. What do I do?

Start a conversation about it with him. If he doesn't want to talk about it... ask him why. Don't get angry or emotional, you deserve the respect to ask and get answers to your questions

Elle
 


KIA KAHA                       
 

August 15, 2021 6:59 pm  #3


Re: Bisexual

Hi. thanks for replying Ellexoh.  We have had a few conversations. He says that he is bi-curious, and that he wants to have relations with another man. Is that ok?  is "bi" actually a thing?  I wonder: coupld he have sex with a man, and also still love me and want to have sex with me?
 

     Thread Starter
 

August 15, 2021 9:01 pm  #4


Re: Bisexual

Wife669 wrote:

Hi. thanks for replying Ellexoh.  We have had a few conversations. He says that he is bi-curious, and that he wants to have relations with another man. Is that ok?  is "bi" actually a thing?  I wonder: coupld he have sex with a man, and also still love me and want to have sex with me?
 

The question is... Do You want him to fuck or be fucked by another man then come home and expect to have sex with you? Sorry to be blunt but this is about you not him.
It doesn't actually matter what or who he is, what is important is how what he's saying he wants makes You feel. Once you unleash this need nothing will ever be the same again


 

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (August 15, 2021 9:03 pm)


KIA KAHA                       
 

August 15, 2021 10:05 pm  #5


Re: Bisexual

Wife669, the question is it ok for to him to have sex with someone else is for you alone to answer, not us. The fact you have come here asking it says to me you think it is not ok but he is pressuring you. If I'm wrong please forgive me.

What sort of marriage did you both sign up for on your wedding day? Monogamous heterosexual? Is that still what you want?  Then act on that basis. You are not obliged to negotiate some other deal just to stay married if you don't want to.

He is telling you who he is and what he wants.  It is your decision: what sort of relationship is acceptable to you? What do you want? 

If you have kids, what sort of relationship do you want to model for them?

Now some practical considerations:  get tested now for STIs ... just in case he is being economical with the truth of his contact with other men. If you do decide to open your marriage you should both be tested regularly. 

What form of open relationship would be acceptable to you - you celibate, both of you with different partners, threesomes, fetishes, kink? The options are endless and you need to be prepared for your partner to want any or all of this over time.

Wishing you wisdom and strength to make good decisions for you and your future happiness and wellbeing.

 

August 16, 2021 8:46 am  #6


Re: Bisexual

So very sorry that you are in this situation. Many homosexuals want to identify as bi sexual because it seems more "normal" to them. In my opinion, there is nothing "normal" about two men together. You will have to do what feels right for you.

 

August 16, 2021 9:42 am  #7


Re: Bisexual

Wife669 wrote:

So, I found out that my husband is having some bisexual fantasies.  He likes his butt played with. Is he actually gay?

I don't have a problem with him wanting his prostate massaged, but what if he actually wants a real penis. What do I do?

Err, big gay elephant in the room.

Speaking as a rather unfortunately straight man I can say this much. I have straight fantasies. Always have had straight fantasies involving women. If I decided to identify as having bi-sexual fantasies, they would therefore out of necessity be gay fantasies. A man who fantasises about other men is having a gay fantasy, not a bi-sexual fantasy. If he wants a real penis, he will probably have to go out and find one. I don’t need to find a real penis, I already have one and it still seems to function perfectly (if a little under utilised in recent times). Would you be prepared to allow your husband to engage in homosexual activity in your marriage? That is probably what he is laying the ground for by admitting this to you. Can you live with this? It starts as an admission, then becomes a proposal and finally an act. If you accept it from the outset, it will be harder for you to refute it in the future. Think about what is acceptable to you. You matter more than a fantasy, you are real.

Last edited by Ordinary guy (August 16, 2021 11:38 am)


And now here is my secret, a very simple secret. It is only with the heart that one can see clearly that which is essential is invisible to the eye.
 

August 16, 2021 11:32 am  #8


Re: Bisexual

Hi Wife669, 

I’m the straight wife of a man who came out to me as bi almost two years ago. I’ve always suspected he wasn’t quite straight and we’ve been together for 30 years. We are doing very well and we have remained monogamous. The only way you can find out more about your husband is by asking your husband directly. Your husband should be 100% okay with you asking him anything and everything regarding this. The largest group within the lgbtq community is bisexual. Bisexual people absolutely do exist. They aren’t gay and just saying they are bi to appear more acceptable. A bi person can be very straight leaning, somewhere in the middle, or gay leaning. Some have no romantic interest in one gender or the other and some do. There’s a whole variety of possible combinations and all these combinations are still considered bi. I’m happy to talk to you about any of it if you’d like. 

tangled 

Last edited by TangledOil (August 16, 2021 11:56 am)

 

August 16, 2021 1:08 pm  #9


Re: Bisexual

Wife669 wrote:

He likes his butt played with. Is he actually gay?

This in NO way makes him gay. There is a HUGE stigma for men to be interested in anal play. They are often automatically deemed gay if they even hint at an interest or desire in anal play of any kind. It is stigmas like that that have forced so many into the closet for so many years. And (I believe) also cause SO MUCH confusion for SO MANY men because they themselves aren't even sure if they are gay or straight or bi simply because they desire something that society tells them is "wrong". I am not sure of the whole story of his coming out to you but it sounds like he trusts you and wants you to be involved in his desires. It sounds like he wants you to know this part of him, which to me seems like a good thing. Ethical non monogamy is an extremely common thing in many relationships. Gay couples, straight couples, mixed orientation couples.... MANY people practice ethical non monogamy. So asking if is it "ok" is kind of a difficult question. It all depends on what you want in your relationship. I think when a partner comes out it is important to unpack all that this entails TOGETHER before bringing someone else into the mix. It will take a lot of open honest talks and empathy and patience from both sides. I found out my husband was bi 14 years ago. Back then there was no way in hell I would have been ok with opening our relationship. Now it has been 14 years and we have sharpened our communication skills. We have reinforced our own foundation and become closer than ever. I am confident in our relationship and a lot more comfortable with the idea of possibly someday having a threesome if he wanted it. But it's not something we are seeking right now. There are many ways to explore his desires together if that is something you would be interested in. There is no right or wrong way to do this and just because something turned out one way for one person doesn't mean it'll turn out that way for you. Just be patient. Talk to him. And he has to be patient with you too. He might have been struggling with these desires for a very long time but you are just finding out. He needs to take things slow. Wish you the best. You can message me any time if you like.

 

August 16, 2021 1:46 pm  #10


Re: Bisexual

He is a homosexual. Straight men want their penis in a vagina not someone or something in their anus.

 

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