MJM017 wrote:

I forgot why you were counting days. Thanks for the reminder. Am hoping you do not beat my record - 6,574 days (I included leap years.) .

I hope a friendly and platonic one of these is ok - {{{Hugs}}}

  
Gratefully accepted…. And OK. X

This is a powerful statement

  "They will exhaust themselves by trying to find solutions to their problems, and will never ever ask for directions even when they know they are lost"

But more so when you finally ask for direction.

Og, I just read your prior post… over 13 years since your wife (or ex?) touched you? I can’t even wrap my head around that. I’m sorry. I’m hoping she is your ex at this point.

Tangled 

Last edited by TangledOil (August 16, 2021 1:33 pm)

Og, 

Do you know for certain your wife is a lesbian? Has she told you as much? There could be numerous other mental health things going on. Are the two of you in therapy separately and also as a couple? I truly cannot wrap my head around this. I am stunned reading your story. My bi husband and I have been together 30 years. The few times we didn’t have sex for 6 weeks or so was after the birth of each of our children. And one additional time for 3 weeks was because I was sick, and when I was finally feeling well enough, he was sick. Otherwise we have not let even one week pass without physical intimacy. We usually have sex roughly three times per week for all of our 30 years together… probably even more frequently when we were younger and didn’t have any kids or other big responsibilities. I’m so sorry, but you deserve to have answers to whatever it may be and some sort of remedy. I'm truly stunned you're living like this. 

Tangled 

 

Last edited by TangledOil (August 16, 2021 2:41 pm)

When my husband and I first got together, I just assumed he had a very low libido.  Later, I assumed his low libido was being exacerbated by job stress and by alcoholism.  I had all the right puzzle pieces, but I'd put them in the wrong places.  His secret double identity was turning him into an alcoholic and causing him to fail at job after job.

I learned that he had same sex attractions maybe twelve years into the marriage -- after over a decade with no sex.  I assumed that since he was so Catholic, he was in denial about his sexuality.  And, since we were in pretty much a constant state of crisis financially, I just didn't feel I had the bandwidth to sit him down and ask him what on earth was going on.  So I had over two decades of no sex before I found out exactly how active he'd been the whole time.  

When I confronted him, he asked me "Did you think I was celibate???" and I acknowledged that yes, that's what I thought (in no small part because he led me to believe it).  And he asked with complete incredulity "But how would that have been fair to meeeee???" as if he wasn't even aware of what he'd forced me to endure -- he said it as if it was so obvious, only a complete idiot could fail to see the point.  I was absolutely dumbstruck by that remark, and when I pointed out "I never cheated on you" he shrugged and said "I never said you couldn't."  

As if he hadn't moved heaven and earth to keep me from knowing what he'd been up to all that time.