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July 31, 2021 2:33 pm  #1


IS HE IN DENIAL????

HELLO IM NEW HERE I JUST RECENTLY GOT MARRIED AND I KNEW ABOUT HIM CROSSDRESSING SOMETIMES AND HE CLAIMS HES BISEXUAL AND THAT HES DONE BEEN WITH GUYS AND THAT GUYS DONT TURN HIM ON BUT IVE CAUGHT HIM WATCHING TRANS PORN BEFORE HE USES TOYS AND IM JUST WORRIED I GUESS THAT HES IN DENIAL AND YEARS LATER HES GONNA COME TO TERMS WITH IT DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY ADVICE ?

 

July 31, 2021 3:06 pm  #2


Re: IS HE IN DENIAL????

You asked for advice so I'll give it: consult an attorney where you live to find out what you need to do to get out of this marriage. If this is what he is like at the beginning - the honeymoon period - the future does not look promising.

Whatever he is he isn't for you.
 


Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.
 

July 31, 2021 3:18 pm  #3


Re: IS HE IN DENIAL????

I’m so very sorry, just married? I see you’ve used all caps, I’m guessing you are feeling pretty stressed right now?

Please, take a deep, deep breath. You should read the first aid thread, under the General Discussion section of this form, it’s important information for everybody that finds themselves in these types of situations. It’s very important info to know moving forward.

Do you have anyone close by, that you trust, that you can confide in? This is a big burden to carry, it’s always better if you can confide in someone as a first step.

Take one day at a time, take very good care of you right now that’s the most important thing to do at this moment.

In my opinion, lies starting this early in a marriage, significant lies, you need to carefully consider your future with this man very carefully. Others with this experience will also post.

Take care,

Last edited by longwayhome (July 31, 2021 3:19 pm)


I never cease to wonder at the cruelty of this land, but it seems a time of sadness is a time to understand, is it mine, oh lord is it mine, when everything is dark ….. Roger Hodgson. 
 

July 31, 2021 4:40 pm  #4


Re: IS HE IN DENIAL????

No one here can say what your future holds, with any certainty. There are many questions I think you should ask. Did you confront him about his porn use? Does it seem to be a habit? Is he being dishonest about his activities? Do you think he might be using you as a cover or as a way to gain children? Are you feeling neglected or used? What are you comfortable with and where's the line? It might help to try to view this from a perspective outside your own life. If it were your best friend in this situation, what would you think? What advice would you offer? I believe marriages require trust, commitment, honesty and two people working in concert towards the same goals. Do you think you have that?

Last edited by Daryl (July 31, 2021 4:41 pm)


“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
 

July 31, 2021 10:50 pm  #5


Re: IS HE IN DENIAL????

thank you everyone for your advice he has been almost completly upfront and honest about everything, even when i found out about the porn he confessed. He doesnt do me wrong at all that im aware of trust me ive done tried everything from nanny cams to spy apps. maybe what im stressing over is I think hes in questioning, because he steals my lingerie and doesnt return them and hides them and when I ask him about the whole situation he just kinda shrugs it off like he doesnt know why he likes doing these things he thinks it just the whole anal thing he likes about it. Im totally new to all of this

     Thread Starter
 

July 31, 2021 11:31 pm  #6


Re: IS HE IN DENIAL????

So how do you feel about the whole thing? The cross-dressing, trans porn, missing lingerie, as it sounds like this is a private aspect of his life. What happens if he escalates and decides he wants to be female? Are you planning children? Would that potentially trap you if he declared an intention to transition while you have an infant or small child to care for? Not saying this will happen but you need to consider the possibilities and what your different options might be.
 


“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
 

August 1, 2021 12:16 am  #7


Re: IS HE IN DENIAL????

Star, it really is about what YOU want now.  What is acceptable to you? What are your dealbreakers? You don't control him but you can control you. 

He's shown you who he is and what he's into. Now its up to you to decide what you want to do about that.  You obviously don't trust him, if you are using secret cams to monitor him.

And wow, no boundaries.  How very creepy and disrespectful of him, stealing your lingerie and hiding it. That would be a dealbreaker for me.

... get tested for STIs. Just in case

Last edited by Soaplife (August 1, 2021 2:16 am)

 

August 1, 2021 8:23 am  #8


Re: IS HE IN DENIAL????

Soaplife wrote:

Star, it really is about what YOU want now.  What is acceptable to you? What are your dealbreakers? You don't control him but you can control you.

 
Star, Soaplife is spot on,  My GH deceived me….if ai had half the information you have I would not stay in a relationship with someone because that is not the life partner I want and need.  I received TGT 21 years after married and he knew at 17 years old. 

No one can say what is right for you, based on my own bias I would say get out now…your gut is never wrong and do not ignore the red flags….Steve Harvey said in one episode- do not get into the habit of collecting red flags. .

Take care of your health and make time to do things that make you feel good.

 

August 1, 2021 2:06 pm  #9


Re: IS HE IN DENIAL????

Star33 wrote:

....he has been almost completly upfront and honest..... he confessed. He doesnt do me wrong at all ......he steals my lingerie..... he just kinda shrugs it off....he thinks it just the whole anal thing he likes about it. Im totally new to all of this

Star... You talk a lot about him. What about you?
These things he's doing and passing off as "no big thing..." with a shrug, how do you really feel about them?
If he "doesn't do you wrong" how come you're here asking questions? I'll tell you why... It's because your husband will never give you the full answers, and in the process of finding himself (whoever that may end up being) you may very well lose yourself.
Be strong, search deep into yourself. There's no crime in deciding so soon after marrying that you've *both of you* made a mistake. Your husband may be as scared of what's happening as you are but he'll be trying to hide what's happening to him whereas you don't (edited to add) have to

We're here to help

Elle
 

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (August 1, 2021 2:07 pm)


KIA KAHA                       
 

August 1, 2021 4:47 pm  #10


Re: IS HE IN DENIAL????

Star33,

I agree with Abby. Talk to a family law attorney to end this marriage through an annulment or divorce.

Stealing is dishonest. Spying is dishonest. These things in my opinion point to a marriage that's dying.

Sorry this happened to you.


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

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