Yesterday I received a message from him.  It started out “ I’M NOT F$CKING GAY!!!!! NEVER HAVE BEEN!!!! I’M NOT LYING!!!  YOU WOULDN’T DROP IT!!!” He said he tries to have relationships but they never work, he’s miserable.  Then, goes on to say it’s because of what his a$$hole father did, he can’t trust anyone.  ( his father was very critical, negative).   That he’s been screwed over by so many people.  Ever letting anyone get close to him or allowing himself to get close to anyone, he tries but he can’t.  He was treated like sh*t for so long in his marriage.  He said he tries to have relationships…says he really tries but ends up unhappy. He said.. what else can I say?…it doesn’t matter who it is. He the told me how sorry he was for hurting me and hopefully after my hurt subsides we can be friends….he said please… I need that!!  I took the advice I have received on this site and didn’t reply to his message. I reached out to a family member and told her what has happened.  It felt good talking to someone about it and getting the love and support I need right now.  I can’t thank everyone enough who took the time to reply and give me really great advice and support that I desperately needed.  What I find strange is…When we talked on Monday he admitted he was gay with details ( he felt that in his teens, he had two sexual encounters with men, his ED, etc.). Then, on Friday he says he’s not gay that he said that because I was going on and on about it.  Is that denial? Why would you blurt out you were gay? Why not leave or say you have a headache or you don’t want to talk about it.  Why wouldn’t you say something Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday? Does he regret saying he was gay and now is trying to convince me he’s not or trying to make sure I don’t say anything to anyone?  I’m listening to my gut instinct and the signs I saw… not him.

Wow, Daisy, I KNEW you were a kick-ass grandma!

I'm so glad you decided not to play his nasty game, and talked to a trusted family member instead.  Now block him on every possible avenue of communication.

People like your ex are impossible to have an honest trusting relationship with because they are not honest and you can't trust them.

My ex used to send me crazy angry stuff like that - blaming me for everything ... then saying he hoped we could be friends 'for the childrens sake'...then turning nasty again, all in the same message.

What the actual f*ck? Can't they hear themselves? Who stays friends with someone who abuses them like that? And tells lies that YOU BOTH KNOW are lies?

Fantastic that you decided not to engage. Stay strong. He might keep trying to reel you back in, even if you do block him.
It may be through your daughter or other family members, but don't fall for it. Tell them the truth and be firm in your refusal to engage.

These people are very manipulative and sly.

Last edited by Soaplife (August 1, 2021 11:07 pm)

If you read enough of our personal stories, you see many cases of a partner disclosing their orientation and then try to walk it back. I think there are a couple of reasons why this happens.

1. Consequences. The spouse realizes the weight of what they have disclosed and does not want the relationship to change. They change their mind and supply various reasons for what they said earlier and blame other events and people.

2. Control. The non-straight spouse may feel the need to control the narrative. Either as a way to keep you in line or to present to others as being the wronged party.

Like others, I think the right move was to not respond. It's bait with a hook inside. If this is a discussion you must have, let it take place when you are ready, not via a text message stick-poke.