I'm just happy that we live in a day and age when we can easily leave if we choose to (vs. being persecuted for divorcing).  We may feel trapped, and we are - but more by financial constraints and by the expectations of our family/public/religion - all of which we CAN choose to buck, if we so choose.  We will not be beheaded because of our choice.  We can and do choose to have full, lush lives after this kind of tragedy.  We need only to see ourselves as the author of our own stories.  And that yes - the gay thing is just a chapter (or several) in our book - not the theme of the entire book.

Kel

"Everything has been a lie.  All those memories of love and joy were false - tainted by the knowledge that their love for you was not full and complete.  That they lied to you about who they were and therefor you didn't even know the person you were married to."

Thanks Lostdad!. This phrase sums up my thoughts on this perfectly.

She said that what I went through with the lies and betrayal was worse. I don't know if I agree, but that was how a woman who suffered so greatly saw my circumstances.

Thanks, everyone.  I wasn't trying to throw myself a pity party - really.  I was just trying to offer you all some hope that you can get through this and be fine later.  Will you have scars?  Sure.  But just like real ones, they fade and flatten over time, and your life becomes such that you no longer really care about them.  You can wear the scars with pride - they are your battle scars.  It's little consolation when you're going through it, but know that you will be a stronger, more enriched person after all this.  You will know your true strength and be able to help others see the light when they're in a tunnel of their own.  I personally know that I wouldn't undo what I've been through because it's part of why I am who I am, and I like myself with this amount of strength and fortitude.  I can also tell you that I don't feel that way about everything - I certainly don't feel like what I'm going through with my son is making me better.  It's like swimming with a bowling ball attached to your foot.  You don't GET stronger from it - you get weaker the longer you fight the weight.  You grow numb to the panic and pain after a while.  I may come out stronger in the end, but it is NOT something I EVER want to live through again.  Unfortunately, I don't see any end in sight.  If I could have a genie in a bottle (and only wishes for my own life vs. the lives of the whole planet), I'd wish to win the lotto, wish to lose 150 lbs., and wish for my son to be mentally healthy.  That's all I really want in the entire world.  If I only had ONE wish, it would be for my child to be healthy.  This has been going on for 14 years now, with no end in sight.  That's a LONG time to struggle with something so all-encompasing.

You guys WILL get through this, and it'll be in your rear view mirror - I promise.  I swear to you this won't last forever.  You can do this!

Kel

Last edited by Kel (November 16, 2016 12:59 pm)

yeah, thanks LostDad for the post.  My ex is still targeting my friends and badmouthing me.  It's shocked me all over again at how successful he is and my closest friends.  I am hurting all over again this weekend and welcome the support here. 

I wonder about the spouses of narcissists.  Whether it is the same thing of losing your past when you wake up to the truth of them, that they are lying to you about themselves and hiding their true feelings.  I think TGT might be making it worse because they are lying about that too.  but still a narcissist presents a false persona and hides behind it just like a GID does.

I dunno.  I just get this feeling that probably the gay thing does make it worse.