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May 23, 2023 2:35 am  #11

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

I'll necropost some more.
I'd also be ok with my wife who came out as a lesbian to me a month ago. But, it does not seem that she's willing to stay within marriage, and our relationships have been cooling down for a long while now. And I'm definitely not OK with that. And the disclosure while made some things more clear, have not made us closer to each other, though we're talking much more than in previous several years.
I was oblivious to our relationships failing, thinking that I can fix things by working on myself.
But now, after the disclosure, I understand the situation a bit more. When I read that there can be a marriage where the wives want to be with their husbands and even initiate sex (and about THE DIFFERENCE), I'm starting to understand that I've been missing out on a lot of things in my marriage.


June 3, 2023 12:07 pm  #12

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

What Nimble wrote is a bit like our marriage. Although my wife is not bi sexual, but more on the lesbian side of the spectrum.
It doesn't matter at all, you choose for each other and are dedicated to that, That is: when you both willingly and both decide for this. There hasn't has to be feeling of loss whatsoever, unless one chooses to feels like that. That is more like a choice that is rooted in other reasons, than mere sexual preference.(although this probably had it's influence/consequences in many ears)
But given the cultural pressure, it's often complicated to follow your own path, and find a way together.

But it can be done, and so much rewarding it is! Both have to be willing to go for it. (or learn to... for initially it's nothing but confusion)

Last edited by Dutchman (June 3, 2023 12:12 pm)


July 4, 2023 10:17 am  #13

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

Thanks so much for creating this post.

A week and a half ago, my partner (we've been together about 20 years, married for 15 years, and are raising two kids) shared with me that she is bisexual.

Like what you describe, @Nimble, this sharing could end up having zero negative impact and the potential positive impact of deepening our connection. If she is discovering more things about herself and sharing them with me, this could help us get closer as a couple.

I am pretty sure more than 50% of the LGBTQ community identifies as bisexual, so I am a bit surprised about how hard it has been to find other people whose partners discovered and shared a bisexual identity some time in the middle of a long-term relationship. I imagine a common theme would be wondering what's going to stay the same and what's going to change, and it would be wonderful to connect with individuals or a community of people around this.

Last edited by PixelArt (July 4, 2023 10:32 am)


July 11, 2023 8:52 pm  #14

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

Thank you PixelArt,

It’s an interesting journey and it’s definitely brought the two of us closer. I always knew he was a very private person. I knew there were things he probably didn’t feel comfortable dwelling on or discussing. About 15 years ago he revealed he was sexually abused repeatedly by an older male he trusted in the neighborhood. He was very young when these incidents occurred and he didn’t know it was wrong/inappropriate until years later. He said it was pleasurable. To this day he doesn’t know if those experiences shaped his sexuality. He’ll never know. Anyway, we are 3.5 years out from disclosure and monogamous and doing great. I don’t visit this site often as I co-moderate a Reddit sub-Reddit on this very topic.


Last edited by TangledOil (July 11, 2023 8:57 pm)

     Thread Starter

July 12, 2023 4:21 pm  #15

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

Just checking in-

After about a year (she came out in July of 2022) I can honestly say that things are still going great!  We're closer than ever, and she's been living more as herself which has continued to keep her spirits high and our family motoring along.  

A year into it all, and I feel more connected than before and we both believe it was a really good thing for her to acknowledge her orientation and identity.  We still feel as if we're a team, and the only real difference these days is that she's much more queer in terms of how she looks and we both talk about the women we find attractive openly with one another (never in front of our kids, of course).  

Other than those things, everything is just as it was- just a little better.  It works for us.  No, we're not exactly normal, but who is?


July 12, 2023 5:14 pm  #16

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

Hi Nimble, glad to hear you are going well.  

And interesting to get your update, thanks.  I'm wondering, though how you cope with your feelings when your wife is dressing more for the attention of other women - are you believing she isn't going to act on it?


July 12, 2023 5:31 pm  #17

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

Hey Lily,

I must admit your post gave me a little chuckle.  It's quite an assumption to think she's dressing for other women.  She most certainly isn't.  Her style is what makes her happy and feel more like herself.  She has crazy hair and a bunch of piercings and her clothing choices are about what makes her feel like herself.  Prior to coming out, she was sometimes nervous about how she'd be perceived if she did what she wanted, but now she's confident and happy about being who she is.  If you asked, she'd say a huge portion of that confidence comes from the fact that she has a partner that is in her corner unconditionally.

I do understand that my experience is far different than the norm for folks in these forums, and while I'm grateful for how it's gone for me, I am aware and feel for those having a rougher time.  I mostly posted and returned for folks like Pixel who may be walking a similar path.  

My wife isn't looking to go anywhere without me, nor I her.  We're very happily married and still absolutely best friends.  


July 12, 2023 6:44 pm  #18

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

Hi Nimble,

That’s so awesome! Thank you for sharing. I love seeing positive updates. Please keep us posted going forward.

Best regards,


Last edited by TangledOil (July 12, 2023 6:45 pm)

     Thread Starter

July 13, 2023 8:47 am  #19

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

It's nice to read that some MOM can work.  However, I'm still not sure that I can accept that my husband is sexually attracted to men.   

My situation may be different since he did cheat on me in the past.   He wants me to be able to trust him again, but I may not be able to do so.   



July 13, 2023 1:10 pm  #20

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

Yeah, that is very difficult.

If there was infidelity first in my situation, I would have a hard time as well (regardless of my partner's orientation).

I don't know if I could abide deceitfulness. 

I'm sorry you're going through such a rough situation.


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