I'll necropost some more.
I'd also be ok with my wife who came out as a lesbian to me a month ago. But, it does not seem that she's willing to stay within marriage, and our relationships have been cooling down for a long while now. And I'm definitely not OK with that. And the disclosure while made some things more clear, have not made us closer to each other, though we're talking much more than in previous several years.
I was oblivious to our relationships failing, thinking that I can fix things by working on myself.
But now, after the disclosure, I understand the situation a bit more. When I read that there can be a marriage where the wives want to be with their husbands and even initiate sex (and about THE DIFFERENCE), I'm starting to understand that I've been missing out on a lot of things in my marriage.

Thanks so much for creating this post.

A week and a half ago, my partner (we've been together about 20 years, married for 15 years, and are raising two kids) shared with me that she is bisexual.

Like what you describe, @Nimble, this sharing could end up having zero negative impact and the potential positive impact of deepening our connection. If she is discovering more things about herself and sharing them with me, this could help us get closer as a couple.

I am pretty sure more than 50% of the LGBTQ community identifies as bisexual, so I am a bit surprised about how hard it has been to find other people whose partners discovered and shared a bisexual identity some time in the middle of a long-term relationship. I imagine a common theme would be wondering what's going to stay the same and what's going to change, and it would be wonderful to connect with individuals or a community of people around this.

Last edited by PixelArt (July 4, 2023 10:32 am)

Just checking in-

After about a year (she came out in July of 2022) I can honestly say that things are still going great!  We're closer than ever, and she's been living more as herself which has continued to keep her spirits high and our family motoring along.  

A year into it all, and I feel more connected than before and we both believe it was a really good thing for her to acknowledge her orientation and identity.  We still feel as if we're a team, and the only real difference these days is that she's much more queer in terms of how she looks and we both talk about the women we find attractive openly with one another (never in front of our kids, of course).  

Other than those things, everything is just as it was- just a little better.  It works for us.  No, we're not exactly normal, but who is?

Hey Lily,

I must admit your post gave me a little chuckle.  It's quite an assumption to think she's dressing for other women.  She most certainly isn't.  Her style is what makes her happy and feel more like herself.  She has crazy hair and a bunch of piercings and her clothing choices are about what makes her feel like herself.  Prior to coming out, she was sometimes nervous about how she'd be perceived if she did what she wanted, but now she's confident and happy about being who she is.  If you asked, she'd say a huge portion of that confidence comes from the fact that she has a partner that is in her corner unconditionally.

I do understand that my experience is far different than the norm for folks in these forums, and while I'm grateful for how it's gone for me, I am aware and feel for those having a rougher time.  I mostly posted and returned for folks like Pixel who may be walking a similar path.  

My wife isn't looking to go anywhere without me, nor I her.  We're very happily married and still absolutely best friends.  

It's nice to read that some MOM can work.  However, I'm still not sure that I can accept that my husband is sexually attracted to men.   

My situation may be different since he did cheat on me in the past.   He wants me to be able to trust him again, but I may not be able to do so.