Hi new member. Married for nearly 20yrs. Lived with each other 5yrs prior to that, and dated 5 yrs prior to that. So its been a long time together. Now with two teenage boys.  My wife who i still love dearly came out the other day and said she'd fallen in love with another woman. it just happened. She didn't mean for it to happen. She's a pretty decent honest woman, so while i'm probably not getting the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, she has never lied to me in the past. I'm taking her word for it that it just happened and she didn't pursue it. She said if she could roll back the weeks and not become infatuated she would. She knows what we had was good. She admits she was happily married. Again being with each other for so long, we have a sixth sense for each other. I tend to believe her. I had what i thought a rock solid marriage, was looking forward to growing old together, getting ready to retire in 10yrs and just continue to enjoy each others company. We had in all this time together never split up, and even made fun with each other how made we were for each other. We both know its not easy to find the one. One you can live with, grow old with.  I did always suspect that she had a thing for other women, again call it an instinct, but given her love for me was so strong, i never once did ever believe it would come out, and especially not the way it has. 

Well obviously nothing is ever 100% perfect. And she allowed herself to fall in love with another woman. The other woman is also married with young Children. and has immediately called it off with her husband, and is not pretending to be anything other. But apparently she wasn't in a happy marriage.  She's already moved from being with her husband, taken the kids and moved into her new place, and is actively going after my wife, sending her heart emojis and pics of hearts carved in the sand at the beach, telling her she loves her and always will. My wife who is experiencing her first crush on a woman is torn, cries at being apart. Her mind is all over the place. They were really good friends spending hrs on the phone with each other and i guess one thing led to another. They also work with each other. and my wife said even if we works things out between us, she's not quitting her job, and that's something that i'd need to learn with. But i know that would make things somewhat impossible for her and i.

She did break it off with the woman on Saturday once our boys begged her not to leave. and she said she's trying to put things back together. (but it feels only half hearted) She has changed !  She's here with me, (like its doing me the favor????)  So its not all over. She say she still does love me. The best i can get out of her is she knows she's hitting the self destruct button but can't promise anything as she does indeed have feelings for this other woman. and they're very strong feelings she's never experienced before. (again just your typical infatuation)  I said i still love her and accept everyone is entitled to one mistake in their marriage.. But i'm not putting up with infidelity, or sharing... If she wants to leave, she can leave. 

I'm not trying to sound egotistic here, I'm slighty fat and nearly 50 now. But back in the day, my wife was completely besotted and in love with me. I will say hand on my heart no woman will ever love me more ever. Sure after 30yrs i don't have the same sex appeal as i did in my younger days, and she was making comments that i put on some weight during the yr long covid lockdown, but i thought love was stronger than that. But yeah i was a bit lazy and she was keeping herself in shape (i guess for this other woman to appreciate her) She has a magnetic personality. People tend to like her from the get go.. I remember when i first met her. I was like hell yeah this is the woman i want to marry. Kind, cute, funny, great person overall and then once i realized she wanted me too, i was over the moon ! 

We are still living under the same roof. Until a 'plan' is in place. So she is seriously considering a new life but still apparently trying ??? . The kids now know. Things aren't exactly peachy at home.. We bicker at each other when we never did prior. Or if we did, one of us would apologize and get back to where we were quickly.  But on the other hand we seem to still be getting along at the times we're not bickering.. Strange i know ! She says she is in love with me.. Just not that uncontrollable infatuated love that a girl on girl can apparently have.  I trend to disagree. Men fall head over heels for woman, and vice versa.. She's putting a lot on the fact that its another woman and this must be her true self. 

She said she doesn't want to move in with that other woman but would prefer to have her own place near by so our children can come and go as they please. They're old enough now to make their own decision up. Her other option is get over this woman and see if the love for me is still there. Truth is she can't afford to live by herself. We both did the math. Even splitting half our assets, its not easy going alone. We wouldn't give the attorneys a penny, and come into some sort of agreement together. Like split everything 50/50 the kids can come and go as they please.  The youngest is 14. the eldest is 18. But she's not a career woman and only works part time, so the way she wants things to work are not even slightly realistic.. She'd have no choice but to move in with this woman for financial reasons, and her 4 kids, and i suspect things would in my honest opinion soon go to shit. Of course i don't know for sure, but i think once the rainbows and sprinkles dwindle, the grass won't be greener. i even think i could tap back into that guy i once was and pull on her heart strings. I honestly think she would struggle with it. I know she still has something for me. Always has and always will. You don't just shut off emotionally from someone you've been with for so long. First love, first crush. Plus knowing that we didn't have issues. I think i could present a challenge to this woman.. Not today, but down the road. 

Anyway i've rattled on for long enough. I'm not ready to give up on her yet. But also not going to be made a to dangle on a string. She knows she's cut me up hard. I've been in tears most nights. I do honestly feel i've lost the love of my life.   Any advice appreciated.. Can a bi-sexual woman go back to loving a man?  or maybe she's discovered she's a lesbian and well boo hoo for me. I just don't get how someone can flick a switch like that. this late on in life. And go from knowing she was happy, to i'm not making any promises to stay with you???? 

Last edited by sadday2021 (June 30, 2021 12:39 pm)