I think we need to clarify that narcissists aren't synonymous with being Gay. Mine was Gay and a covert narcissist according to my therapist but as I am reading all this I think it needs clarifying. I also acknowledge after nine months of therapy that while TGT was the reason I threw him out, there were other monumental issues with the marriage because he was a covert narcissist. Covert narcissists are quieter, less outwardly controling and more calculating than narcissists are according to my therapist. Most deadly because everybody imagines they are soft spoken and have the best intentions. They generally have a greater degree of believability with people. I don't believe TGT was the only reasons in anyone's situation and I certainly acknowledge that nobody is a perfect partner in marriage including me.

Last edited by Judy (December 22, 2016 5:13 am)

Judy,
 
I'm trying not to think about how "duped" I was ..   My therapist said thats dwelling on the past and I agree.. I rarely thought of "being duped".... but more about the hurt and rage.     I'm trying to move on but the holidays bringi up all the hurt and have me thinking about her part of marriage being a lie.   She  may have known she was gay all along or had some SSA...but married me anyway...its all just too horrible to think about.    No I'm trying to move on and  being divorced have her present hurt and antics to deal with., no need to dwell on the past.   

I'm divorced but   kids + holidays + gay narcissistic ex   =   infinite possibilities to be hurt.  
 

biltrayed wrote:

Judy,
...
About moving on. My therapist was indicating that I should move on about her. After which I remided therapist that I didn't recognize her disrespectful actions of contempt. Need to learn. Therapist agreed. I patronized my PD HPD. And was essentially hypmotized as a "go fer''  If a person is a duped once; it will happen again. So I have to get it right exactly what she was doing and the contempt she was thinking at the time so that the behavior is recognized in any contact in the future. Boundaries. Bi Sexual or not.  Just a thought Biltrayed

 

Therein lies my problem also...  if I was so duped and taken advantage of how could I ever meet someone and not have it happen again?            Best to be alone. 

Rob,

Good Point Rob. Oops. But I really had in mind stealth HPDs ( maybe some BPDs.)  My comment is about some of us that have committed too much time (40 years) to relationships to multiple HPDs. Yes I am ashamed that I didn't face up to being a cuckled dupe. And I wouldn't be surprised if the readers here would, upon reflection, respond to my case with disgust and revulsion. A person has a duty to defy abuse....even to themselves! My counselor, good as she is, finally hit me over the horns about this.
Well, I see it is Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas to you all. New Hope and Life to you all. Biltrayed

Thanks Biltrayed.  It took me a long time to come to the conclusions that I did and to want to trust again.  My first year on this forum was a frenzy of "what the hell is going on" mixed with "how the hell do people trust again".  Mostly because right after the gay thing, I was completely misled in my first relationship straight out of the box.  It sucked.  Bad.  But in the end, I know there are more good people than idiots.  I just know it.  I refuse to give up. 

In regards to the former boss - while he did love to gamble, the problems went much deeper than that.  He had a silent partner who was just as responsible as him for the scam.  Together they created a huge scam and stole millions of dollars.  It was disgusting and unexplainable.  I never met the silent partner but it's amazing to me that two people could be involved.  I can see one person being a complete idiot, but what are the chances of two grown men coming together, planning this whole thing, and carrying on the charade for years?  Buying company after company and merging us together all while presenting this image of growth and stability.  And the weird thing is that these businesses they were buying were all viable businesses and made great money.  There was absolutely no reason to steal.  Sickening. Even more sickening was how loved he was by his family (especially his elderly parents) who some of us had met and who he used to talk about all the time. 

As for my current boss - his ex wife ended up marrying that person very soon after.  And let's just say that karma bit her in the ass, hard.  It makes me giggle a little bit. 

I hope I'm mentally healthy.  I feel like I am.  I still get sad.  More so, I still get mad sometimes that my life at 44 has turned out the way it has.  But then I look at all those around me and everyone seems to have their share of crap whether it be a divorce or sick parents or problems with their kids or a multitude of other reasons.  Everyone has their thing.  TGT just happens to be my "thing".  I think if we all stick around here long enough that eventually we will all be reading about happiness and second chances.  I've seen it happen a lot on here.  That's why I say try, try again.  I'm on my third serious relationship post the gay thing.  Some days I want to say the hell with it, I'm sick of dating.  But nope.  I know there's a match for me.  I think the trying is worth it and I refuse to settle for less than I deserve (hence the third try, lol). 

SW