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- Rob
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Re: It's been a long time and I'm in serious trauma
Omotf,
Mjm gave some good advice. What you are seeing is your bully narc stbx go up against the legal system and try to treat them like he treated you.
There is an end. In divorcing my narcisst the judge called us and the lawyers in and said settle it or set a trial date. They do not want a divorce on their books forever.
In a trial say you were unemployed and he making six figures and hiding assets. Your lawyer should be able represent this to a judge. I would think you shouldn't have to say a word..there is probably a standard alimony and settlement amount in your area that your stbx is trying to avoid..I would think a judge should see this. Try to ignore the verbal abuse and have you and your lawyer appear calm and reasonable.
Yes there is a special place for these spouses. Divorcing a raging narcisst takes special strength and faith.
Prayers and wishes of courage and strength.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- broomhilda2
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Re: It's been a long time and I'm in serious trauma
OnMyOwn..
You sound like you're in a super traumatic state. I hope you are doing ok. Please give us an update.
I am currently going through the steps to file for divorce. I am married to a Covert Narcissist, which means he's not obviously narcissistic to others. I never thought about narcissism until someone here had mentioned it to me. I was in a frazzled emotional state this past year where I felt afraid and paranoid - I basically was questioning my reality... I finally started looking into the topic.
[LongWayHome] already mentioned Dr. Ramani in this thread. I also recommend watching her videos which really resonated with what I was going through. I also highly recommend Dr. Les Carter and his YouTube channel "Surviving Narcissism". He is more calm & gentle than Dr. Ramani, which I needed because I was already feeling so traumatized.
It sounds like you desperately need someone in your life to validate what you are going through. Have you told anyone close to you that your husband is gay & how he's treating you? It's difficult at first but freeing to dump that shame & fear off your shoulders.
- MJM017
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Re: It's been a long time and I'm in serious trauma
broomhilda,
My GIDXH was covert - Mr. Nice Guy to everyone, including me when we were courting. Am embarrassed to say I developed agoraphobia while married due to him.
You sound strong and clear. That will serve you well as you divorce and rebuild your life.
Best to you!
Maria
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- broomhilda2
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Re: It's been a long time and I'm in serious trauma
Maria - Thank you for saying that!
I hope you are overcoming your agoraphobia. No need to feel embarrassed, you suffered emotional abuse and we all react to that in different ways.
My husband is in denial too, nice guy... but going grey rock with him for the last year & a half has been like deprogramming from a cult. We still live in the same house but I will only have contact with him when necessary.
- MJM017
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Re: It's been a long time and I'm in serious trauma
Yes, I have gotten over it. After our separation it was gone.
It truly is like deprogramming from a cult. That's great you could detach while he's in the same house. You are one strong woman. Continued good luck!
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa