Thanks for clarifying Lily. If anyone is just joining this thread, we're discussing a recent post of mine describing how my (then) wife told me she was attracted to women, "but would never act on it..." unlike me I guess was the subtext. I've re-written part of my original post: 

Original post: I hope with all my heart she [my ex-wife] marries a straight guy who loves and desires her.
Corrected post: I hope with all my heart she marries someone (man or woman) who loves and desires her. 

In response to Lynne's questions: 

1. Really?  So what is she?  Straight, bi or lesbian? 

Lynne, I honestly have no idea. She's still single and repeats to the kids that her Catholic faith allows her just one marriage. Man or woman, I hope she finds a partner. 

2. Does she even exist?  

If she doesn't then I'd really like my alimony back. 

3. Were you ever married? 

Yes. Together for 25 years, married for 16.

4. Are you even gay?

As a rainbow!  

And now Lily's questions: 

5. Read Lynne's post just up above, she has got quotes from your post where you say both things in the same post - that she is straight and that she is lesbian/bisexual.   either you must have cognitive dissonance or you are playing games.  which is it?

Again I have no idea. See #1 above. 

6. Would you really wish your wife on a straight man if you believe she is same sex attracted?  That seems very unkind to me,  why bring a straight guy into it - you know from this forum how much it hurts.  and unkind to her - why not wish she finds a woman?

I hope she finds a partner, either a man or woman. Here is my revised text again: "I hope with all my heart she marries someone (man or woman) who loves and desires her." I hope she finds happiness after our train wreck of a marriage. 

7. So which is it, Sean - is she a straight or is she attracted to women?

Again, I have no idea. Shortly after her revelation, she and I separated. We've never discussed it since, nor do I plan to bring it up because, quite frankly, I don't care.  
8. Maybe you can answer each place where I have put a question mark? 

Done! 

9. I would just like to add a comment to the general debate - I think that straights are 100% attracted to the opposite sex and need 100% attraction to come back to them in return in order to work right in a marriage.  Without it we become messed up and miserable.

Agreed. 

I have a follow up question, perhaps Lynne and Lily (or others) can answer: why is my wife's sexuality such an issue? I look forward to your answers because I'm perplexed by some comments and the generally hostile tone. 

Be well! 

Last edited by Sean (October 31, 2018 1:50 am)

I see Violated. Thank you for sharing. I'm just perplexed as to why this wasn't an issue the other times I've shared about it in this thread. I've never made a secret that near the end of my troubled marriage, my (then) wife disclosed she was attracted to women, but (in her words) "would never act on it." Nor have I hidden that several of my gay friends also shared with me that their ex-wives either came out following divorce, or were closeted lesbians. I guess my questions are:

1. Why is this triggering so many members?
2. How does this anecdote impugn my credibility?

Signed, confused! 

I want to thank you Sean for posting here about yourself. I have found your replies most helpful,you have answered so many of the questions that had been going on in my mind.
I don’t know why all of a sudden you are being attacted and why this is triggering a couple of people on this forum.
Why read Sean’s postings if you are bothered by what he has to say?
Thanks again for helping me understand what has happened in my life,Sean.

Duped, I was married for 30 years,separated for 3 years and now divorced for a year this coming December. Hope that answers your question.

Sean, 
Are you able to find any times in your prior posts where you mentioned your wife's potential bisexuality or lesbian attractions?  That might help as it seems like the sticking point at the moment.   

I do think that honesty matters so I understand the concerns.  In a community of people who share the worst experiences of dishonesty possible, one small discrepancy can cause distrust and call into question many other things.  

Despite the question at hand, I'm not sure Sean's wife's sexuality really matters.  Her experience was the same as anyone else here, in that her husband was a closeted gay man who was dishonest and cheated on her.  This is something Sean has always admitted to freely.  So whether or not she had an attraction to women doesn't impact Sean's ability to give something back to our community and help those of us who need to learn from an expert on the situation.