Duped, years ago, I knew he tried on my daughter's bikini string underwear. I just confronted him regarding what I found. it appears to be from about 5 years ago according to the receipt. He said he forgot it was there.

Sean, I  just had another conversation with the GIDH, he admits his therapist told him he has repressed homophobia, my GIDH admits he is emotionally straight, and maybe sexually attracted to males but would never act on it cause he wants to save our marriage. He is now 65 years old, can he repress this homo desires the older he gets or will these desires for a man increase?

I believe if the opportunity is there for homo sexual encounters he would take advantage of it.

out, you are so right. I don't want a husband who visits adult sex stores, engages in self gratification using anal dildos, enjoys looking at gay porn, claims no sex with me for past 10 years was my fault because I had a hysterectomy and it was my fault that I did not initiate sex with him. But after 44 years of marriage it is hard to leave, I want more, I want respect, I want to be valued, I want to be loved as a wife not a buddy......but maybe this is as good as it gets for me......IDK

Out, thanks for your words of encouragement, I am doing my best Not to let fear rule me. In the midst of all of this I got laid off, so I had to move back in with my GIDH, and I am working on a new exit plan. I need him for health insurance for the next 9 months, and then I hope by then I will figure this all out . I am seeing a new counselor next week, who specializes in straight spouses, and praying maybe he can give me some insight , help me with an action plan. Someone said on this site and I can't recall who it was but it hit me in my gut, "I loved the man he pretended to be not the man he actually is".......OMG! 

Thanks again for sharing your truth with me.

Kathy, now that I am back in the house, I am being a "detective," again. I am always able to find something....his GPS shows me that he frequents adult sex shops.

I know it is not mentally healthy for me to keep playing the "detective' role, but in some strange way, it just helps me reaffirm the truth and see him as the man he really is. He still pleads and cries how much he loves me and will change.......just BS....nothing more.

Sean (plus anyone else).... can you shed any light on this... (I told my husband that before I make any decision—- stay with him/leaving him/having an open marriage/etc. that I would try to process everything as best that I could and be as open minded as I could. So anyhow I am trying to see things from his perspective. So far this has been EXTREMELY difficult.)

Let me give you a little background...

Married 20 years
Pretty good marriage
Have 2 kids - teens
Very supportive of each other
Neither of us have cheated on the other (I believe this to be true for my husband)
We spend most of our time together— work together, exercise together, go to appointments together.
I do a lot for him... I enjoy helping. I always have. (When I was a kid before going to play with the other kids, I would ask the adults what I could do to help them first)
He takes care of me...makes sure our investments are doing well, makes sure things are in working order, arranges things so I don’t have extra stress
I was his first
He is very interested in male to female sex
We like to watch porn - homosexual or heterosexual- together
We have had done fantasies together before
We have a load of toys
He has never had any gay sex experiences (I believe this to be true)
We don’t lie to each other - I have all of the passwords to his accounts and visa versa.
We tell each other what our plans are for the day. He knows where I am and I know where he is or we are together
He is going through his midlife crisis

He recently told me that he “knows” that he is bisexual and asked permission to explore that side of him. He wants me to explore that side with him too if I want.

He told me that since he has only has had heterosexual experiences, he has a hole in him and doesn’t feel complete.

Not only does he want to experience homosexual sex but wants to develop an emotional connection with a male but not the same that he has with me. He insists it won’t be the same...that it can’t be the same. That he wants to be married to me because he loves me so much and wants to be together until we die. But he needs someone who can understand his male bisexual part of him.

He doesn’t want to have multiple partners. Just one and me.

He said that since I am not a guy and not bisexual that it will be difficult for me to understand this desire—-“need” of his.

So can you help me “understand”....