Thank you both-
When we got together the girls were 4 and 1. When I left they were 14 and 11. This whole last year I continued to text them both a couple times a week, knowing I was blocked. My feeling was if the day ever comes I’d show them I tried. But when she sent that email about being th happiest she’s ever been., she also asked me to not send the girls anything anymore becyase it caused stress and confusion in their house…:
I left with my clothes, car, and guitar. Left everything. Let her jeep the house. All to NOT disrupt the girls life I even sent her money for 6 months to help.
But they all this….
I just can’t stop loving her and the girls.
Oh well I guess

Ink 15 months is not very long - you are still grieving your loss. The children obviously miss you and your ex doesnt like it. 10 years of being dad is a lot.  Keep sending gifts and when they are able I am sure they will establish independent contact with you. Its only a couple of years til the oldest is 16. Burner phone! It doesnt matter what your ex thinks about it. My kids were angry with me when I called time on my abusive marriage with gay exhusband. But now, 4.5 years down the track they dont have much to do with him and they are very close to me. Kids arent stupid, they work it out.

Good to hear from you again, Ink, and wishing you well. I think Soaplife gives some good advice. Down the road the kids will be glad to know you tried, even if they're confused now. To have been in their lives over those years, you have to have been important to them and they'll remember it. That said, I don't think you should "hold out" for the kids *soon*, but recognize that this may be an integration for them over several years.

I know how you feel in a sense. I think the blocking is about the cruelest response a person can have. For no reason but their own regard. I've stopped checking in here as well, feeling burned out of this topic. I've never gotten over the guy I loved who erased me (about 20 years ago now), and I've never been able to enter into a real relationship. (I also still love who he *was* and have never stopped missing him quite a bit.) I've developed huge trust issues and generalized anxiety because of how impeding it was for me for years coupled with how clearly lacking in consideration most people are of such situations and the ones stranded. I seem to feel most honest and genuine single because of this anxiety. The Pride movement is a contributor. It causes me to feel estranged and out-of-step. I wish the world viewed diverse people and experiences equally rather than brightsiding and ignoring wrong. And I wish people were required to be held tangibly accountable in some way for these things. Enough people experience this that maybe someday society will recognize the harms-- if they want to.

It helps to feel some sanity that others process such events somewhat similarly. I also very much focus on and appreciate the simple things, like longwayhome, and have tended to gain a massive amount from nature/landscapes ever since he left. I feel like there may be more truth in that than in a relationship, but at least this forum shows people can be deeper than choosing to brightside.

I personally don't know that people can necessarily fully "recover" from this event, but I do think it's possible to love again if you're emotionally available. I also wonder how it affects people's ability to date generally and openly-- I've also struggled with a desire to date. I guess it stops seeming "simple" or natural?