private wrote:

I can only tell you my experience. It's important I get it off my chest. My ex may be like yours. I don't want you to suffer like I did. I was and still am beautiful but he didn't want me like a straight man would. I've slept with straight men I know when I'm wanted. Then his friend would try to flirt with him. I later found out his friend was gay because he admitted it but my ex would always deny it. I now realize he had a group of men that would lie to me while they slept with each other. When shove came to push he preferred to poison my food to make me think I was crazy along with his gaslighting behavior. Men like this are dangerous. Get out before it gets bad. Say my needs are not met. The courts won't believe you about his cover and there's no use bringing it up. So be smart about how you divorce and you might be ok. I have to say my trauma isn't over but it's now my turn to warn the wives. Please don't stay if you are unhappy. Don't let it happen to you.

He did that? Holy cow. That's terrible!

I suspected mine of doing that as well. I became extremely ill with a high fever. I kept throwing up and going to the bathroom for a few hours. It was extreme gastrointestinal distress. It came and left quickly - four or five hours.It was not a virus. Is that what happened to you?

Some people can work together amicably after a spouse comes out on their own or is outed by the straight spouse.  They divorce or stay together in a MOM. I would never want a MOM, but to each their own.

Then you have the abuser (bad enough) and then you have the violent, sadistic abuser like what we had. Just no words.

Mine is dead so I have the luxury of trying to figure out if he was a psychopath first or if the closet twisted his mind. When he was alive, I was terrified after I left.  I wanted him away and despised what he had done to me. It was worse than being married to him.

I considered changing my social security number and leaving so he couldn't find me. Some women do that after
leave a violent abuser.

Am very glad you got this off your chest. It gave me the courage to come forward with my suspicions my late GIDXH had poisoned me.  It feels good to get this out of my system. (pun not intended) Thank you.

I know there are many women and men who have been violently abused by not straight partners. Some still are. I wish some would come forward if they feel comfortable. We did nothing wrong.  It is like wearing a scarlet A - Abused. I know why some of you stay silent.

PS I'm beautiful, too.    :-)