We lived together for just 3 months after she came out. That 3 months brought me to the brink of insanity. She was SO cold. SO detached. A COMPLETELY different person to the one I married. A COMPLETELY different person to the woman I thought I knew. A person completely indifferent to my pain. 'The Stranger' had arrived.

She insisted that we separate. She wanted 'time and space' to figure out what she wanted. She made out that coming back home was still a 'maybe' but when I found a place to rent I KNEW I was never going back.

Moving out was the BEST thing I could have done. Moving out saved my life.

Amid the pain (dare I say it) moving out was actually a bit exciting. My own space. But the best part about it was being away from The Stranger. It was TORTURE to watch her cold indifference. It was TORTURE to watch the shell of a person that was once my wife walk around in my home. It was like watching a ghost. A very unfriendly ghost.

Sure... There were lots of sad lonely times when I was 'home alone' but being away from The Stranger started my healing process. I saw my sons one on one and started building a better relationship with them than I'd EVER had. For the 50% of time I had them I was both mum AND dad and that brought a new dimension to our relationship that was kind of wonderful. I believe I became a better father and a better person during that time.

I listened to music, I played my guitar until my fingers bled, I sung sad songs to myself, I slept when I wanted to, I walked around naked when I wanted to.  I had visitors over. I rekindled old friendships and made new ones.

Long story short - Moving out is scary. Moving out might seem like the end of something... the death of something... but it just might be the very thing that saves your life.

Last edited by Steve (November 5, 2016 3:58 pm)

Yes, Steve, yes. And, love your tag line. Never give up hope.

We are diamonds, forged by our pain.

We are heroic, all of us, for enduring and maintaining hope and dignity and goodness.

We are incredibly fortunate to have each other.

JKPeace, Rob and everyone who is lonely, write down things you would like to have or do. Places to go. People to call. Keep that list handy for when you are feeling down and don't know what you want. It won't cure all your ills but it will remind you to look for pleasure and peace.

Sending hope today.

Last edited by Keepinghope (November 6, 2016 10:26 pm)

Like Jkpeace I am almost divorced. It will be finally done before the end of the year. I am feeling an overwhelming sadness and just sheer exhaustion. My marriage is over. What I thought was forever is gone. I have looked forward to this for almost a year now and now that it is close, it feels so real, and just so sad. I know I don't want to go back to the agony and pain of TGT. I have long denied that he's been cheating on me with multiple men but up to the point I discovered his sex videos on his secret fuck phone that the truth really hit me in the face. He's a cheater and a liar. So I filed. And now its close at hand. But sad, so sad still. I wish I could talk to a straight spouse right now. One who truly understands the horrible pain I am in ...

jkpeace wrote:

I was angry.  Now, I'm exhausted.  My STBX may be moving out, this weekend.  I'm Not happy that he's leaving, even though I told him he needed to move out.   I'm not happy that he didn't tell me he was gay, when we married.  Letting go is hard.

I'm feeling tired and numb.  I know my husband is not a horrible man.  He continues to go to counseling, trying to figure himself out...trying to figure out how to move forward.

I don't want him to stay.  I'm not happy he's leaving.  I know our marriage is over.  So, I guess he has to leave.

This feels horrible.

I still feel a need to want to discuss his journey with him.  However, I'm guessing you all would say that I'm in no position to do that?  I think that is correct, but I need some sensible statements to think about.

Any thoughts?

On another note, this being a single, working mom is very new to me, too.  My husband, since losing his job and moving back home, has helped with the kids, a lot...getting them to school and activities, etc.  Now, it's all on me, again.  I am not complaining.  I am SO thankful for my kids.  It's just a lot to handle, with no help.  (We don't live near family)

JKPEACE,

I could have written that myself. I'm so sorry, I know exactly how you are feeling & I wouldn't wish this on anyone.  I've been awake since 3am. Exhausted but bouncing off the walls with confusion, grief and fear. I feel the same emotions as you; I told him to get the hell out & yet now that he has secured a condo I'm devastated all over again. It's as though I'm starting the whole discovery process from ground zero. I'm also pissed that he is so happy about moving out & knowing he has "activities" and a full dance card to look forward to while I'm here, zero friends due to physical pain, isolation & depression for 4 solid years & no family in my province. 

I'm lucky though in that my kids are older so I don't have the juggling to contend with. Will your husband still help with caretaking? Do you have any mom friends of your children that can help with pick ups after school? The thing to remember is how supportive the female community can be, if you just ask. Often people don't know how to help but if presented with a specific request they jump at the opportunity to assist. Also, be sure to look into your entire network of potential allies such as the school principle, church, neighbors. In short, you never know what is available until you ask.

And the "it's all on me" declaration is a daunting one for sure at the beginning until everyone finds their new groove, but it also means you will be the one reaping all the rewards of love, respect, joy, heartfelt moments & long lasting satisfaction. 

Wishing you a the kids a gentle week ahead. Hugs
Sham


 

Last edited by whatasham24 (November 9, 2016 10:11 am)