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April 13, 2021 11:10 am  #21


Re: My Cheating Spouse Thinks He's Trans

Upside said "I would bet good money that if you came back in five years you'd find them just as lost and chaotic as they are today"   I can confirm this to be true.  Wish I could have invested in such a sure thing.

Confused1976, by staying legally married to someone who you now know to be a liar and deceiver you may be putting yourself at an even greater risk financially.  But something else to consider is the continued trauma.  It will eat away at your ability to be your best person and sharing that best person with the people in your life who need and deserve the best you, now and in the future.  Your fear about never having a relationship again is a real one most of us have felt,  But no relationship is better than an abusive one. And, without the abuse in our lives we have a better chance to have better relationships of all types

I'm glad you're "mulling over what everyone said".  It's a great step.

 

Last edited by Lynne (April 13, 2021 11:12 am)

 

April 19, 2021 2:33 pm  #22


Re: My Cheating Spouse Thinks He's Trans

That is a good step that you are thinking things over.

If cheating is a deal breaker for you then does it really matter what excuse he has to justify it?

This situation can escalate. In my case it pushed and escalated little by little. Starting just a bit out of my comfort zone and then pushing and pushing until it was completely incompatible with my needs/wants yet I was expected to be on board because I hadn’t spoken up to say no to any of the other stages as I had no idea where he was leading to.

One of the stages in my situation was cheating. I found he was getting dick pic texts from a man. He had been having online conversations with men using a female persona. “Just exploring” “Just like to wear things sometimes” “Not a big deal”. After my first marriage cheating was a big deal breaker for me but I let myself be talked out of it. Considering how much things escalated from there I will say not staying firm in that is one of my biggest regrets. I could have saved myself so much pain by ending it there. At that stage I had no idea what manipulations has really already happened and how much were to come.

Just know that you get to choose you. Whatever you are fine and happy with is what you get to choose. It may look similar to choices of others here and it might not. Advocate for yourself and your wants and needs for your future.

 

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