Straight Spouse Network Open Forum
This Open Forum is funded and administered by the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to straight spouses and partners who have discovered that their spouse/partner isn’t straight. Your donations allow us to provide important support and resources that straight spouses can't find anywhere else. Learn more >>>

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This Open Forum is funded and administered by the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to straight spouses and partners who have discovered that their spouse/partner isn’t straight. The results from SSN’s Annual Summer Donation Drive are in! Together with your help, SSN raised $16,381 during our annual Summer Donation Drive! That’s 109% of our goal! Learn more about how the funds will be utilized.

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Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to straight spouses and partners who have discovered that their spouse/partner isn’t straight. Your donations allow us to provide important support and resources that straight spouses can't find anywhere else.


Happy New Year, Friends!

Our year-end fundraising campaign is officially complete and with your generous help we raised $13,813 to serve straight spouses in need. From all of us at SSN, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Your donations allow us to provide important support and resources that straight spouses can't find anywhere else.

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April 9, 2021 7:27 pm  #31


Re: It just gets more difficult and confusing

Ellexoh_nz wrote:

AuroraMoon wrote:

So we had marriage counseling last night. It was awful.,.,....,So yeah, total waste of time and I feel worse. Yay

So Aurora... Change your counselor ×hugs×

Elle

 
That marriage counselor is not my individual counselor, so I don't need a change. I'm not looking for another marriage counselor. I didn't want or find this therapist,  my husband did. I am done finding therapists.

 

April 9, 2021 7:41 pm  #32


Re: It just gets more difficult and confusing

OutofHisCloset wrote:

Aurora Moon,

  I also wonder what she would have said if you, in response to her telling you that your husband has to do the work on his own sexuality, were to have said, "I agree he has to figure himself out for himself, by himself, and I think that it would be a good idea if we separated while he does that work, so he can concentrate on doing it.  While we're separated, it seems to me we each need an individual therapist, with the plan of maybe coming back together for marriage counseling after we've both sorted out where we are and what we want." 

 
I don't know, but I wish I would have said that!

     Thread Starter
 

April 9, 2021 7:49 pm  #33


Re: It just gets more difficult and confusing

longwayhome wrote:

AuroraMoon,

In my opinion this is where the danger lies for us. They want to continue their fantasy life, but now that you know the truth - you want nothing to do with it. You don’t deal with issues by sweeping them undercover and pretend they never happened. .

 
You are exactly right. I can't unknow this stuff. There is doubt in my gut that doesn't go away. He says words and the doubt subsides for a minute but it always comes back

     Thread Starter
 

April 9, 2021 7:52 pm  #34


Re: It just gets more difficult and confusing

Blue Bear wrote:

Any couple’s therapist who allows a straight woman to get dragged back into the closet by her transwoman-loving husband who wants to “suck cock” should issue a refund.

 
Dude... Seriously... Right??

     Thread Starter
 

April 9, 2021 7:57 pm  #35


Re: It just gets more difficult and confusing

Julian_Stone wrote:

That sounds really awful, but I'm happy to see you are making your needs a priority and taking a step back from what is really your husband's "stuff."

It's OK to go at the pace that feels right to you...It's also OK to draw a line in the sand. What you are going through....marriage should never be this complicated or painful. I also used meditation to calm the "fight-or-flight" response. Michael Sealey's soothing voice (and lovely Australian accent!)  helped me fall asleep. I recommend meditation to anyone who needs a little help quieting their mind.
 

 
I'll give Michael Sealey a try, thanks!

     Thread Starter
 

April 15, 2021 10:36 pm  #36


Re: It just gets more difficult and confusing

Blue Bear wrote:

Be careful at counseling.  My ex-wife and I tried couple's counseling, which became her opportunity to try to justify her bad behavior through pointing out her trivial complaints about me.  If I were to do this again (God forbid), I would not attend couple's counseling.  I already knew what I needed to know about my ex-wife.  She is adulterous, attracted to women and capable of profound, mindfucking deception.  I didn't really need a counselor to tell me why I needed to leave.

when I caught my husband hooking up with a man off craigslist, he acquiesced to couple's counseling. 
1) the counselor said the issue could be resolved with the forgiveness of cheating - like his sexual preference and the deceit in marrying me was irrelevant. 
2) the counselor then said we should just do one on one counseling and he never went on his own.

 

 

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