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Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to straight spouses and partners who have discovered that their spouse/partner isn’t straight. Your donations allow us to provide important support and resources that straight spouses can't find anywhere else.


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March 14, 2021 1:38 pm  #1


The Secret Basement - Dr Omar Minwalla

The Secret Sexual Basement” is a metaphor to help us better understand the concept of a deceptive, compartmentalized, sexual-relational reality (DCSR) in the context of an intimate relationship(s) or family system. It represents a person’s deceptively hidden sexual, romantic, and/or emotional intimacy with others that is not shared with the primary intimate partner

https://secureservercdn.net/72.167.241.180/226.c7e.myftpupload.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/The-Secret-Sexual-Basement_2_12_21.pdf

Last edited by longwayhome (March 14, 2021 1:41 pm)

 

March 14, 2021 4:10 pm  #2


Re: The Secret Basement - Dr Omar Minwalla

Incredibly useful paper, longwayhome.  Thanks for posting the link.

 

March 14, 2021 4:24 pm  #3


Re: The Secret Basement - Dr Omar Minwalla

Admin, please pin longwayhome's post. 

Edited to add that the full title is  "The Secret Sexual Basement: The Traumatic Impacts of Deceptive Sexuality on the Intimate Partner and Relationship"  

 

Last edited by Lynne (March 14, 2021 7:55 pm)

 

March 15, 2021 10:17 am  #4


Re: The Secret Basement - Dr Omar Minwalla

Thanks, very helpful.

 

March 15, 2021 10:35 am  #5


Re: The Secret Basement - Dr Omar Minwalla

Thank you, Longwayhome. This is remarkable.

Edit: I feel this should be pinned.

Last edited by Upside (March 16, 2021 10:45 am)

 

March 15, 2021 1:12 pm  #6


Re: The Secret Basement - Dr Omar Minwalla

"3. Erosion of Relational Integrity"

I've thought it. I've felt it. Initially I was confused by it. It took 3 years to really know, and admit to myself that this is what happened.

Elle


KIA KAHA                       
 

March 15, 2021 2:05 pm  #7


Re: The Secret Basement - Dr Omar Minwalla

Wow, Longwayhome. This link is a gift. I’m processing what it says but I’m pretty sure that this is the first academic paper I’ve read that seems to try to understand the injury of what happened to me, and us. I’m so grateful for the information. Thank you.

Last edited by Toward the Light (March 15, 2021 2:06 pm)

 

April 4, 2021 12:05 am  #8


Re: The Secret Basement - Dr Omar Minwalla

Thank you, longwayhome! This paper is profoundly helpful.


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

April 5, 2021 1:36 pm  #9


Re: The Secret Basement - Dr Omar Minwalla

This is a really good paper.  I found it very interesting and (unfortunately) relatable.  We desperately need to have papers like this published in respected journals.

The take-home message is that a covert sexual identity in a relationship is abuse.  To me, it's very difficult to encourage people to try to work it out post discovery or disclosure.

Thanks for sharing.

 

April 12, 2021 10:47 am  #10


Re: The Secret Basement - Dr Omar Minwalla

100% good paper, its dense, but its on point!  Now the next part I want to see is treatment and long term follow up and what its like on the other side, when those (us) are "better"

 

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