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This Open Forum is funded and administered by the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to straight spouses and partners who have discovered that their spouse/partner isn’t straight. The results from SSN’s Annual Summer Donation Drive are in! Together with your help, SSN raised $16,381 during our annual Summer Donation Drive! That’s 109% of our goal! Learn more about how the funds will be utilized.

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Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to straight spouses and partners who have discovered that their spouse/partner isn’t straight. Your donations allow us to provide important support and resources that straight spouses can't find anywhere else.


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February 27, 2021 11:28 pm  #11


Re: Guys... it's not getting any clearer or easier!

Thank you all for your encouragement and kindness. You truly are all my heros, and I wish I could give each of you a hug. Thank you for being here for me whenever everywhere else feels so lonely.

 

February 28, 2021 1:46 pm  #12


Re: Guys... it's not getting any clearer or easier!

Deceivedandsad wrote:

Thank you all for your encouragement and kindness. You truly are all my heros, and I wish I could give each of you a hug. Thank you for being here for me whenever everywhere else feels so lonely.

D&S....I was reading one of your first posts where you said....."Is it just my own ego that I don’t want to shout from the mountains why I am about to lose my marriage?"   I say it's self-preservation. Telling your husband you don't want him sexually does, in my opinion, take as much strength as shouting to the rooftops why your marriage is in trouble  
I also read you say you've known for about 10 years...I don't know how old your children are but that would have had much to do with not wanting to tear your family apart. It's your journey and you shouldn't measure it by anybody else' journey. Apart from the gay/bisexual side of him has your life been good? I know it has been because you're still with him. He's providing for you because he doesn't want his cover blown. Even with my withdrawal of sex from our r'ship my partner and I continue as normal, we have been together so long it's comfortable and now it's even more comfortable because I no longer ask him questions about him, us, his feelings. 

Does he know you've told a small handful of people?  

There's a lot of stigma and pressure to not be in MOM. But I always saw a MOM as the 2 people in it having a healthy sex life (because this is ALL about sex) whether it was monogamous or they had 'extra' allowances for the LGBTQ half of it. 

For myself I'm hoping the enforced by me celibacy will allow him to find himself, while every day I work on me

Elle



 


KIA KAHA                       
 

February 28, 2021 3:54 pm  #13


Re: Guys... it's not getting any clearer or easier!

"There's a lot of stigma and pressure to not be in a MOM" ???  you're kidding me!  

I look around and there are heaps of us baby boomers in MOMs.  some know some don't.  I've just watched two closeted lesbians burying their husbands in the last month.

I was not comfortable in my relationship - chances are I would have gotten buried by now too if I'd stayed.

The pressure was put on me to stay in the relationship.  Divorce is stigmatising.

oh okay so I think maybe you mean the pride thing.  yes, true, being married to a gay affects that doesn't it, in an instinctive sort of way.  



 

Last edited by lily (February 28, 2021 3:56 pm)

 

February 28, 2021 5:45 pm  #14


Re: Guys... it's not getting any clearer or easier!

lily wrote:

"There's a lot of stigma and pressure to not be in a MOM" ???  you're kidding me!  

I look around and there are heaps of us baby boomers in MOMs.  some know some don't.  I've just watched two closeted lesbians burying their husbands in the last month.

I was not comfortable in my relationship - chances are I would have gotten buried by now too if I'd stayed.

The pressure was put on me to stay in the relationship.  Divorce is stigmatising.

oh okay so I think maybe you mean the pride thing.  yes, true, being married to a gay affects that doesn't it, in an instinctive sort of way.  

 

D&S has been living in a quandary for a few years. And may be feeling 'on the edge' because in the back of her mind she feels she should be stronger than she is when she reads about all the members who have been more decisive in their determination to be out of their r'ship. I wasn't talking about the "heaps of baby boomers that either know or not they're living in a MOM"... I'm talking to D&S as one straightspouse to another

Deciding on celibacy is, to me, one of the first steps to knowing who she is and what she wants. 

 






 


KIA KAHA                       
 

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