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- TangledOil
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Re: Why am I not enough
rekamc wrote:
I found out on the 2nd my husband is bi and my head has been a mess ever since.
We have just had a talk and he says he wants to seperate as he feels it's not fair on me. As he doesn't know what he wants.
Why am I not enough for him??this isn't your fault, the problem isn't you specifically, it's your gender. your husband isn't attracted to the female form. we are all going (or went) through the exact same thing - men that were/are married to lesbians (my case) and/or women that were/are married to gay men
May I ask why you assume her husband is gay when she stated that he’s bi? You shouldn't assume everyone is gay. Bisexuality does exist.
Last edited by TangledOil (January 7, 2021 10:57 pm)
- rekamc
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Re: Why am I not enough
I found out on the 2nd my husband is bi and my head has been a mess ever since.
We have just had a talk and he says he wants to seperate as he feels it's not fair on me. As he doesn't know what he wants.
Why am I not enough for him??this isn't your fault, the problem isn't you specifically, it's your gender. your husband isn't attracted to the female form. we are all going (or went) through the exact same thing - men that were/are married to lesbians (my case) and/or women that were/are married to gay men
May I ask why you assume her husband is gay when she stated that he’s bi? You shouldn't assume everyone is gay. Bisexuality does exist.
I don't really believe in bisexuality (especially male bisexuality). It's my own personal belief and it doesn't mean anything. What does bisexual even mean? attracted to both sexes? so 50% gay and 50% straight?
- inkundermyskin
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Re: Why am I not enough
bi. gay. fuild. trans.
whatever they want to be is on them.
maybe this is more appropriate- to me it is simple, black and white.
those that are straight (us) and those who are not (them)
it is, what it is.
- lily
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Re: Why am I not enough
yes, I find the simplest way to go about it is to say whatever that is it isn't straight and I'm a straight.
But having said that I too do not believe bisexuality as in oriented both ways exists. it makes no sense.
My ex claimed to be bisexual, I believe him too - when Sean describes what it was like for him married to a straight woman my ex jumps off the page.
the way I understand it orientation remains steady while emotionality shifts. It's not desire shifting, it's emotional ability to cope with having sex with the wrong gender that's shifting.
Last edited by lily (January 8, 2021 8:07 am)
- inkundermyskin
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Re: Why am I not enough
i'm not looking to offend anyone, this is only my opinion, and i'm not a licensed therapist. i think someone mentioned bi now, gay later. i think that is absolutely the truth. in my case, a man who lost my woman to a woman, she said she wasn't straight, maybe bi. i think she said this for my comfort and her own fears of actually admitting to herself, and the world who she "really" is. i can see why some women could be labeled as bi, giving that a lot of women are so much driven emotionally. to connect with another woman on a level that most men just cant get to. they feel the connection, emotionally and or physically, and it grows. i guess. i'm trying to find some sort of logic.
i also feel that in our most primal forms, we are carnally driven. procreate. its hardwired in us. desire. lust. curiosity. its all in us. the difference between us and other animals is the ability to act on it.
i think most men, lack that control. i also think most men do not fully understand their emotions. i do believe people are born gay. i also believe that due to society, media, internet, that emotionally weaker people could be intrigued by "trying" it.
those of us here, have seen the one common fact. none of them are, or have been authentic to themselves or us, and they all seem to have a common fear of losing their "world"
i wonder if these spouses are left on their own for a month. the straight partner gone. would they then live out all their fantasies and explore who they are? i'm not a betting man, bet please someone take that bet.
my point- of course some of these spouses "have never, or will never cheat" i don't buy it. at all. i thinks a matter of convenience. no one wants to lose their world. some will throw it away to be authentic. some will suppress it. but most will want their cake and eat it too. if they have lied, they will lie again. i lived it. i had faith. i trusted. it still happened.
there is straight. non straight. its only a matter of time, before they act on it for the first time, or again.
it is, what it is.
- Rob
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Re: Why am I not enough
Not straight yeah..something else.
After I got over the shock and awe of her having an affair with a woman it looked like pure arrogance to me;i.e. I am no longer bound by the marriage and am entitled to have sex with everything and anything...anything on the earth.
It was that demeaning anxiety and stress, that cruel hurt that did me in..i.e. she's out shopping with her friend..are they shopping or having sex..why should I have to wonder?
The hurt is real, malevolent, and penetrating..the same sex attraction they now, to us, suddenly possess make us feel like they are or were only half attracted to us. That we are less.
No we are enough. We are more than they can ever comprehend. And it infuriates them when we are confident that we are whole and not less.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- TangledOil
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Re: Why am I not enough
Wow, wow, wow... I’m really disappointed. Many of you are exceptionally closed minded and a big part of the problem. I’m really stunned that in this day age you present like you have the knowledge of sexuality that people had in the 1950s. You might consider educating yourself some.
- SusanneH
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Re: Why am I not enough
My husband identifies as bisexual. I’ve questioned him about it many times since he had oral sex with men so often. He said if he was gay,he wouldn’t be able to ‘get it up’ for me or any woman. That he’s always enjoyed sex with women, and he just plain could NOT do it if he was gay. that’s his view of it.
Now, of course, after reading all I’ve read since last year.......and it’s a lot...... I’ve seen the bi now, gay later..... and, mentioned it to him. He disregarded it.
I guess we’ll see. He doesn’t enjoy gay men’s company. He’s okay with hanging out with guys talking guy stuff, but that’s it. so, he can’t see himself in a relationship with a man at all. Ever.
Anyway, my/our 2 cents worth for now.
And, I just saw TO's post that posted while I was typing. She got it right.
Last edited by SusanneH (January 8, 2021 12:18 pm)
- inkundermyskin
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Re: Why am I not enough
"Wow, wow, wow... I’m really disappointed. Many of you are exceptionally closed minded and a big part of the problem. I’m really stunned that in this day age you present like you have the knowledge of sexuality that people had in the 1950s. You might consider educating yourself some. "
tangled- i hope you're not referencing me. this is a forum to support each other. i think we all have enough on our own plates with our lives as they are, that we don't need to argue here.
i came here to hurt. heal. grow. reflect. communicate.just be heard. all with the understanding that everyone here are at different stages of this "life" my uneducated guess is that people at times on here will speak out of hurt and anger.
we all love different. we all react different. i'm not sure what is right or wrong anymore. i cant speak for any bisexual people. i have a sister thats been gay our whole life. been married to a woman for 15 years. she did have kids when she was younger. so i dont know.
i'm assuming that anyone that doesnt share your core values or beliefs are wrong? isn't that the definition of closed minded? or do i need and education on that as well?
it is, what it is.
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Why am I not enough
.....I wonder if these spouses are left on their own for a month. the straight partner gone. would they then live out all their fantasies and explore who they are? i'm not a betting man, bet please someone take that bet.....
I'll let you know when I'm back home again from my month and a half holiday 😊
But it would mean asking my partner questions and to be honest...I vowed to myself I'd never be gaslighted and lied to by him again. Because gaslighting only happens when you ask questions and I'm not interested in the answers
Elle
KIA KAHA