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1 of 1- inkundermyskin
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worst year ever is lamost done
id like some words from others. men or women. really doesn't matter if its supportive, understanding, or help picking me up.
9 months ago i found out. moved out couple weeks later. for the next 6 months, we kept paying the bills that were in our name....like we had for years. i also sent her extra $500 month to help with anything she or girls may need. i bought her things she needed around the house. new dyson, weed eater. water and salt delivery etc. i did all this to help her, because i knew her income was cut in half with me moving out.
when i moved out, i took my clothes. my guitar. that's it. everything we spent 11 years building, i let her keep it. in my mind it was to not split things up and possibly make it harder on her girls. im literally starting over from scratch. like i just graduated high school we had a blow up in september and agreed to end all the support. her youngest had a bday in november, i sent a card, with $100 gift card. i sent her and the girls a thanksgiving card. last week i sent both girls a christmas card, with $200 gift cards. i even sent her a card with a $100 gift card.
i'm going back and forth between hurt and mad. through all this even the first gifts i gave her to help her around the house...never ever has there been a thank you. no acknowledgement of any kind. i had a blow up in june and she blocked me from the girls phones. i've texted with weekly since then. nothing. so even the things i've done for them, she hasn't allowed them to reach out. .
knowing were to never be hurts as much today as 9 months ago. but man, to now even acknowledge my help,through all of this,fucking kills me. fuck not even a happy holidays from any of her family. 11 years. the week we broke up, we cuddled and professed our love everyday and night like usual. guess it was all a lie. but man she cant even be a decent person and say thank you? i have always done for years without looking for a pat on the back. just hard being treated like im dead
it is, what it is.
- ThisTooShallPass
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Re: worst year ever is lamost done
I am so sorry you're going through this. All of it, but especially that she's cut you off from the kids. I cannot imagine that heartbreak. All of it sucks. Nobody deserves the emotional crap we've been put through, but to add insult to injury is just so...cold.
I will say though, at least you are physically free. I am still living with my husband. I also found out about 9 months ago (that he is attracted to men and believes he is bi/gay) But we have four children together, we'd been married 14+ years and we had just moved halfway across the country away from all family. I had no family or friends, no support here. I am working on an exit plan, but for now I'm physically stuck in my worst nightmare. Every holiday has been stressed and tense. When I see all these "2020 sucks" posts on social media, I want to scream YOU HAVE NO IDEA!! When he posted his "sweet gesture" for our 15th anniversary (that would've made me swoon 10 months ago) I was so hurt. So angry. He gets all these pats on the back for being such a romantic and so sweet and all these people still believe we're the "perfect, happy couple", and I was stuck trying to play the Happy Wife, Happy Life lie. To protect his job. Because he has four kids to support.
He says he loves me, that he hates that he hurt me. I told him, if he hated it so much, he would've stopped a long time ago. But he continues to do stupid shit that he knows are hurtful. That is not love. That is selfishness.
I cannot wait for this year to be over. I cannot wait to move forward. We understand your pain.
- Daryl
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Re: worst year ever is lamost done
ink, it may be time to speak with a lawyer. In some areas, being in a parental role, even without formal adoption, gives you the same parental rights and responsibilities as a birth parent. This can include support and visitation. I can see you feel a duty of care but I think it should be backed up with a legal framework for your own protection.
As for the extended in-law family. You are not the first person to notice that you start to become invisible to them. Sometimes it's just that they feel the need to support their own family members. Sometimes they don't want to cause friction by having you both in the same room at the same time. In rare cases, it's bad press from the other party. They all suck equally.
“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
- inkundermyskin
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Re: worst year ever is lamost done
this- youre right. at least i'm not stuck. i have a small taste in the sense that no one in my world knows the real reason. they all just think we had 11 years of problems that never went away. in retrospect, she obviously did. she gave me the same i love you and don't want to hurt you. puke. you're a very strong woman to still be there. pretending.
daryl- on the one hand i get that, on the other i feel it would cause more strife. i feel like she's probably painted me out to be much worse than i ever was, to make her coming out later, easier. i get it about her family, and friends. just hurts. i needed to vocalize that.
it is, what it is.
- •
Thread Starter- Daryl
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Re: worst year ever is lamost done
Understood, we all have our own paths to follow. Choose the one that works best for you.
And vocalize away. This board is a good place to speak what's on your mind to people who get it.
“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer