OurPath Open Forum
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1 of 1- inkundermyskin
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why bother, i mean really.
as of 2018 there are 7.5 billion people on this planet. i know we have a greater chance of winning the lottery than we do finding a soulmate. that doesn't mean we should have to settle.. i've only been on this site for a week, and i am amazed at just reading others stories, how its help me realized i am not alone. i can feel anyway that i need to feel, and that doesnt make me selfish.
what i cant come to grips with, is the number of women that want so desperately to STAY with their "man" i understand the thinking. all that's been invested. emotionally, physically, monetarily, kids together, homes, jobs,etc. been 9 months for me, and if she called me today, id initially pick up the phone. i will forever love this woman. i will also forever be angry at her. hurt by her. as much as i do, and may always romanticize what we had, i have to look in mirror and be honest with myself. as a straight man, i would never consider dating a lesbian, or gay man. why? if you met your ev at a bar for the first date, and he told you then of his sexuality, would you have continued? i wouldn't have. why? to live with the constant wondering eating away at my soul? i don't think anyone would continue after that first date. so why do these women want to continue now? take away the material things. all the tangible things....does your heart not deserve more? i know i know, people always want to use the kids as an excuse asd well. but is your "man" more important than your kids? otherwise all your doing is showing your kids that you, as a woman, aren't valued as such. your not an equal. i'm sure we all have horror stories from our childhood, but with the right parent and guidance, they can and do get through most everything. most of them do.
ladies- i would love to have the chance to meet most of you in the real world. a real straight woman that would appreciate all a straight wan wants to offer.
please keep that in mind, that all of us here, deserve so much more than what our others have, can, and will offer. at the end of the day, they care only, or mostly about them. please lets all find each other somehow, and leave them to their "best" lives.
it is, what it is.
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: why bother, i mean really.
inkundermyskin wrote:
..........what i cant come to grips with, is the number of women that want so desperately to STAY with their "man".............
It's totally a male view that you see it as...the women wanting to desperately stay with their man...lol
Staying with my partner til I want to leave....I see as self-serving 
Elle
KIA KAHA
- Rob
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Re: why bother, i mean really.
ink,
I will always love my GX or perhaps the old her. The present her, I fear. That fierce love I had for her ..she has forfeited all rights and privileges to it.
What you're seeing is the quality of the people on the board here asking for help. So much more genuine and true than our spouses/partners. We can feel the fierce quality. I would not call it desparation,.,It may seem like that but its fierce loyality and love of their spouse/partner. Baffling when we see the hurt returned for it.
In regards to your observation/title; Yes we deserve so much more than these spouses that hurt us. We usually don't see that it's true as these spouses have conditioned us to believe less of ourselves. It's a slow subtle thing sometimes. Also it speaks to our strength and stoicism, quality?.. we love our spouses so fiercely we try to hang on with all our might. Most of us did not know our spouse/partner had same sex attraction and yes would never have dated them if we had.
It took my therapist to just casually ask me 'she's gay, do you really think you can make that work?' to jolt me to the realization or acceptance that no... no I could not...I did not have the power. No matter how much I loved her.
One may have to stay with their spouse... for now. Finances and yes kids dictate this sometimes.. But it need not be forever. I encourage everyone to gather strength and keep taking small steps foward with that "not forever " goal in mind. Forward, always forward. The mills of God grind slowly, but they grind exceedingly small.
Last edited by Rob (December 22, 2020 8:32 pm)
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- inkundermyskin
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Re: why bother, i mean really.
elle- and any woman i may have bothered.
i am truly sorry. i didn't chose my words wisely. youre right, if you chose to stay,i can see that as self serving. i'm embarrassed that i painted the whole picture with one broad stroke. i didn't fairly compare apples to oranges. i think inside i wished my ex had the same to desire to change herself to love me the way i love her. again, the way some women so fiercely are willing to work with their gay spouse.
please accept my apology. obviously its still very raw for me in many ways.
rob- thank you for words. they do resonate.
it is, what it is.
- •
Thread Starter- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: why bother, i mean really.
elle- and any woman i may have bothered. i am truly sorry. i didn't chose my words wisely....,...
Now Ink...I wasn't offended I was explaining to you the reasons I'm still with my partner. We all choose the path most suitable for our situation. There are I'm sure men who stay with their wives just as there are women who stay with their men.
Just chill
Elle
KIA KAHA
- Lookingforthelight
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Re: why bother, i mean really.
For me, it’s that sexuality (and attraction) are important, but not everything. When you have shared a life with someone, it means they (and they alone, sometimes) have seen you in your darkest hour...and loved you anyway. They have seen the ugly cry, and the happy dance, and loved you. It’s those knowing glances- in a room full of people- when someone says something ridiculous. It’s taking one for the team at family gatherings (and sneaking a shot of tequila together to make it through). It’s remembering all the firsts- proposals, houses, babies, whatever...pieces of yourself that are so entwined with them that it’s impossible to untangle. It’s finishing each other’s sentences, and automatically putting the right condiments on the burger. It’s coming home, and unloading about your day, and knowing that they “get” you. It’s cute little notes by the coffee maker, and embarrassing yourself dancing in the kitchen. It’s when they had to use a broom to get that bee off the ceiling fan and it landed in their pants. It’s the way they laugh. It’s none of these things alone, but all of these things together. For me, when I see him now, I feel the hurt...but then in the very same breath I know why he has that scar on his foot. And I know the laughs that have lead to the wrinkles around his eyes. And though part of my heart hurts so badly, the other is consumed with this love. And I think, if it comes to it, for me I will have to learn to allow this love to transform and manifest in a different way.
- inkundermyskin
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Re: why bother, i mean really.
looking- i agree with all that. i've got all the same stories. the same thoughts. the same emotions. as much as it hurts me that she doesn't see all those things now, the way i see them, it hurts me more knowing that all those years of life. ups and downs. good and bad. ugly and beauty. absolute completed each other in everyway........through all that, there was a huge lie i had no idea about. my best friend. my queen. my everything. had a secret, that would forever change my life. i've got her tattooed all over my body. but i know in my heart, that even in my dreams of being with her again, it wouldn't be fair to her or me. because the secret it out, and for me, that will never truly go away.
it is, what it is.
- •
Thread Starter- Lookingforthelight
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Re: why bother, i mean really.
Yes I totally understand that. And by reading your last post it sounds like she is not appreciative at all for the ways you have tried to help her in the midst of all of that hurt which just adds insult to injury. It is just the decent thing to do to say thank you when someone is thoughtful or gives you something. That would make me angry too.
Last edited by Lookingforthelight (December 27, 2020 10:20 pm)