Straight Spouse Network Open Forum
This Open Forum is funded and administered by the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to straight spouses and partners who have discovered that their spouse/partner isn’t straight. Your donations allow us to provide important support and resources that straight spouses can't find anywhere else. Learn more >>>

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This Open Forum is funded and administered by the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to straight spouses and partners who have discovered that their spouse/partner isn’t straight. The results from SSN’s Annual Summer Donation Drive are in! Together with your help, SSN raised $16,381 during our annual Summer Donation Drive! That’s 109% of our goal! Learn more about how the funds will be utilized.

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Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to straight spouses and partners who have discovered that their spouse/partner isn’t straight. Your donations allow us to provide important support and resources that straight spouses can't find anywhere else.


Happy New Year, Friends!

Our year-end fundraising campaign is officially complete and with your generous help we raised $13,813 to serve straight spouses in need. From all of us at SSN, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Your donations allow us to provide important support and resources that straight spouses can't find anywhere else.

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December 20, 2020 11:44 pm  #1


I am the betrayer....

I will be 45 next month and have been married 15 years. My husband is 13 years older than I and he was honest about his past SSA and ongoing struggles prior to our marriage. These issues resulted in the end of his first marriage. Looking back I think due to my own baggage that he felt safe and I saw us both as broken people who fit well together. We met through our church and our faith has always been at the core of our relationship. Our beliefs left no room for him to be gay. The SSA was viewed as a sin struggle to be repented of and fought against.

Five weeks ago the unthinkable happened and I am now having an ongoing affair with a straight co-worker who desires me sexually. It is wonderful to finally be desired and beautiful to someone,but now that I have experienced it....I don't know that I can continue the way things are in my marriage... I know that my actions are morally wrong, but in this moment, I don't want to stop. At this point he has no idea and I am sure he would be shocked and deeply hurt. My desire is not to hurt him, but the affair has awakened something in me that is causing me to question my identity and beliefs.

Now I find myself in a place I never expected to be and my views are shifting. I see how emotionally draining it has been for him to live with this constant tension of desire that can never be fulfilled.  I am also realizing how this has impacted my view of myself and life in so many negative ways. I have so many questions and feel uncertain about what I want moving forward...I love him and we are great friends who enjoy much of life together....but I have come to realize that he will never give me the passion I desire. Right now I can't see the future without him and want stability for myself and our 12 yo son but the thought of living with a lack of being desired for the rest of my life is daunting. 

I am the betrayer and trying to figure out where to go from here. I am grateful for a safe place to share my thoughts, hear other's stories and process this all.

 

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