Since my life has been turned upside down, I thought about my "purpose" and what I want. I've always wanted to go to law school. Yes bad timing and $$, but all this research and lawyer fees, I am seriously thinking about it to help out the shattered spouses!

I know I only have one shot at this and while I don't want to take it all and as he said when I got upset "just take everything and throw me out in the streets with nothing. I will start over". I didn't want to do that because that's just not me. We had joked before if we ever got a divorce, he stated he would tell the judge to just give me everything b/c I'm a good negotiator. I did tell him if you piss me off, I will take you for all that you have. So now am I letting my emotions get in the way of my principles? If it were anyone else, a company, friend, etc....I would tell them they have messed with the wrong person.

My sister told me it's time to be "selfish" and think of myself  bc he obviously didn't think of me. He has not started the transition process yet, but just hearing him talk about hair removal, hair transplant, etc I know he's moving fast. The assets to divide would be stocks, etc and he can't cash those out yet b/c they have not vested.

Now I need to ask myself do I wait to finalize all this based on my principles? Or do I want to just get this all over with and do it fast?  

 

Although it seems amicable now I wouldn’t trust it going forward. I’ve seen way too many “amicable” divorces get ugly quickly. 

If you have negotiated a division that seems fair to both parties, my personal choice would be to take the money and run (to quote the Steve Miller Band). I understand the desire to stand on principle but, in this case, you may delay your timeline and perhaps not gain any financial advantage, especially factoring in extra fees for taking this to argue in a courtroom. If "he" is on a fast track to becoming "she", you might want to get this done as fast as you can. You will always know the truth, and he can't deny it once the transition happens.

The choice is always yours, this is just my thoughts on the matter. In any event, take care of yourself.

I have consulted with many attorneys in both states  and found out that now I have to wait since I have not established residency in MA nor TX. If I file in MA in 2 months and for some reason it gets amended, I need to go back there. If I file in TX I need to wait another 6 months! I decided to just go with MA so this can be faster and be DONE! MA is just uncontested and no fault. I swear I wanted to have this annulled, but the money and the time and trial. I would totally do this off of principle, but it's not worth me spending the $$.

Can this get any worse? Why YES it can!

I will be quiting my job after the pandemic since my employer wants all personnel back in the office. Since I have a job now, this does not qualify me for spousal support!!! I am worried about finding a new job during these hard times and health insurance.

Filling out divorce papers on Christmas Eve. Isn't that the best present ever? (Sarcasm, Sarcasm)

I do not want to move back to Boston, so I won't keep my job unless I can work remote.

02/11 - Update to my mediation. Apparently MA has a fault and no fault case. I chose and uncontested divorce, but apprently did NOT know the mediator was going to put "lack of communication" as the reason for the divorce. I told her on principle I was not comfortable signing this. The mediator stated she puts a "general" description and not "detail".

She stated when  you appear in front of the judge and she/he ask why, just say we no longer get along. I said NO! I am NOT going to lie. She said what will you say? I said there's ONLY ONE way to say the truth. I was blindsided with a phone call about this trans news for 16 years. She said then the judge might not sign this and it will become a "fault" divorce and drag out!

I told mediator I went into this marriage on lie, I am NOT going out on a lie.

So I basically have to put my character and principles aside and "lie" to get a divorce fast! This is so wrong and annoying and basically F up on so many levels! The madness never ends!
 

Last edited by LostAtSea (February 11, 2021 9:31 pm)