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1 of 1- inkundermyskin
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mans perspective
i posted my story. i guess i sums it up pretty well. i think my biggest is struggle is "knowing" how in love we were for so long. "knowing" how much she loved me. she even asked me to marry her in front of my family on christmas day. i've been told by others to stop "romanticizing" our past. that obviously it was years of withholding the truth about how she felt or who she says she really is.
almost 11 years of being best friends, lovers, partners in life. at least to me. all done. i put my everything into her and her girls. i've lost them as well. she blocked them from me 6 months ago. i've had no contact with her for almost 3 months. i miss them all terribly. i just cant seem to forget, get over us, move on....whatever best describes it. i've tried dating some women. fucking some women. don't enjoy either. the first woman i trued fucking, i stopped during it an started crying. i've not had a repeat of that, but i just get no joy out of any other women. i dont have the want or desire. not sure what if any advice im lookig for here. maybe just some men thats been there. or are going thru it. isurely im not the only man, thats still "hung up" on his ex. am i?
it is, what it is.
- SadMom
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Re: mans perspective
My son is in a similar place as you, although he is still friends with her, and living together, until she moves out in February. They were newly weds, so not together as long as you, and no children. But, he is still very much in love with her and devastated by the news that she is gay and moving on. He still has her on a pedestal, and is very protective of her, considers her his partner, even though they are separating. It is heartbreaking to watch. He feels like he's lost everything in his life, his future, etc. He went through a bout of substance abuse trying to cope, but is doing better now in that regard. You're not alone. I'm sure some of the men in this group will weigh in when they see your post. I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry you are in this situation, and I hope you have a good support system of family and friends at this time. I think you will also see a lot of people will recommend a therapist, so you can care for yourself. My heart breaks for you and I wish you the best as you go forward.
- Rob
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Re: mans perspective
Ink,
So sorry.
Thing is if she took you back there is always that possibility just waiting ..that she will hurt you like she did now.
These spouses/exs show us the hurt they are capable of.
We get it..its very hard to get over them because we are empaths..we love fiercely..we feel. Contrast that with them.. to discard you without remorse and take the kids away..that is just evil..manevolent evil.
That is the difference between us and them.
I know it won't help you get over her but try working on the trauma that such a horrible person caused. Try to build a support system..I hope you have a therapist. Get medical help if you need to..there is no shame in needing help to process and deal with the trauma ..
I truly believe that God is looking down and sees the difference between wrong and right. In this life and the next we can tell him the we did our best..that we gave all we could.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- inkundermyskin
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Re: mans perspective
sad- thanks for your words. im sorry you're watching your son go thru this. cant imagine how that feels for you. i pray that my son never has to go thru this. i know heartbreak happens to anyone thats ever loved, but as we all here can attest, this is on a different level.
rob- thanks for your words as well. as much as i still love her, i could never go back. as painful as it is, i could never. and in my mind, for her that's not an option at this point. been 9 months. not sure i've completely grieved. i often think i've went thru the stages, but then find myself drowning in them all over again.. i went to therapy first 3 months. on antidepressants and anxiety meds now. i don't think at the time i was ready for therapy, but believe its my best bet now.
i wish i could hate her. i wish i could despise her. resent her. wish her misfortune with love. wish for her to have her heart broken. i often think of all those things. her being cold and remorseless. taking her kids from me. i try and try to see the bad and evil in her. it never stays. i'm not religious or spiritual.....but a friend told me god gives the hardest battles to the toughest warriors. hmmmm. maybe
it is, what it is.
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