OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+.

For more information about our recent name change, please read our press release or visit our website at https://www.ourpath.org.


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September 21, 2021 5:45 pm  #161

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

No sigh of relief from me at all, Itsabouther - been enjoying your posts.

Elle, yes I would have dismissed OurPath as a spiritual website too.  The Straight Spouse Network came up on the first page when I typed in why do straight women marry gay men.  Why would OurPath come up?   even if it did I would have dismissed it as only being there as a group recruitment thing.

In terms of creating a place in the public arena where straight spouses could find us I see no reason to abandon what we had.


Last edited by lily (September 21, 2021 5:46 pm)


September 21, 2021 6:00 pm  #162

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old but on building the new…. Socrates

I never cease to wonder at the cruelty of this land, but it seems a time of sadness is a time to understand, is it mine, oh lord is it mine, when everything is dark ….. Roger Hodgson. 

September 21, 2021 9:44 pm  #163

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

yes, that's a good plan. If I were more able to do it I would be setting up a new forum - call it the Straight Spouse Forum. 

I might be wrong but I think it is still a question of keeping a forum in the public arena which is visible on a google search by the straight spouses who are looking for it.

I think it's nice to have a friendly forum, I genuinely like being inclusive but I find the idea of being inclusive when SSN was initially set up to reach out to the Straight Spouses, who we know are already swimming in the word salad of denial, bizarre.  like a snake swallowing it's own tail or something.  

to my tired old soul it sounds like we've been given our marching orders back into the oubliette.  not even the name straight spouse remains, let alone the accretion of all our stories.  no back into the anything goes spaghetti salad for you.

When the British Navy arrived here in Australia they did some awful things, abused the initial friendly civility of the locals and then when they had the numbers, pretended the original inhabitants hadn't fought for their lands and declared it Terra Nullius instead.  Empty land.  They claimed ownership of it by stripping the locals of their human status.  that meant they had to treat them extra bad.

people are so cute aren't they.  and nice as it is of Victo to want to shoulder the responsibility it's not really like that is it, it's women too, it's all of us.  Not to say there aren't all sorts.  Right on that first ship there was an Englishman, included to set up a weather station he was up on a headland getting to know the locals on his own terms and he fought against the abuse and ended up spending his whole life fighting against slavery.

Last edited by lily (September 21, 2021 9:58 pm)


September 22, 2021 8:12 am  #164

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

I agree that Straight Spouse Network is a better name. 


September 28, 2021 9:46 pm  #165

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

On the OurPath page, up the top and along at the end there is a heading Resourses and in the dropdown I see, as expected, resorces for straight partners, partners of trans, but under that I see resources for the LGBTQ partner.
Along from Resources I found News. In the dropdown I find the sub-heading In The News....."Check here for major news items pertaining to LGBT+ issues that affect Straight Partners, Partners of Trans People and their families." not 
"Check here for major news items that affect Straight Partners, Partners of Trans People and their families... pertaining to LGBT+ issues" like it's been written not for the straightspouse community but for the LGBTQ+ other lot. 

My first thought was...oh, you're inviting the very people who hurt the straightspouse to come in and witness our pain. My next thought was...I suppose next we'll have LGBTQ members joining the Forum.


KIA KAHA                       

September 28, 2021 11:01 pm  #166

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

Elle,  What a series of gut punches that was to read through.  Welcome abusers. 


September 29, 2021 12:32 am  #167

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

Lynne wrote:

Elle,  What a series of gut punches that was to read through.  Welcome abusers. 

It all seems a bit PC. THIS IS *my* space, not my partners. Mine!


KIA KAHA                       

September 29, 2021 12:34 am  #168

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

Have you read those links in the resource section for the LGBTQ partner?

I did. It's written very much from OUR perspective, but aimed towards the non-straight partner. It covers many of the same things we keep saying here about how this can affect us. It's like a 'consider this' list written by one of us to our spouse.

As for news links, OurPath can't control what the media publishes nor should they ignore it, in my opinion. As it stands, it's not really a prominent item on the website. Other resources get the main screen space. If you think the news orgs do not spend enough time looking at things from our perspective, why not leave them your comments on their pages? Change always has to start somewhere.

I've never seen any rules limiting who can join this Forum. Obviously the admins will remove spammers, trolls and anyone who breaks the main posting rules. There have been a number of LGBTQ members here over the years (or on the older forum site). Cameron, Difflurker and Sean come to my mind. There may be a few others I've forgotten. Not everyone here might have approved of their presence but I think they all made good contributions and were never rude or unsympathetic towards others here.

I think trying to make this a straights-only forum would be the end of the forum. No organization can condone discrimination based on sexual orientation. Besides, how would you enforce it? Was anyone here asked to prove they were a straight spouse before they joined? How many people would be willing to reveal that much person information to this site, just to ask some questions?

Does anyone really think that other members would be allowed to disrupt our conversations? Permitted to discount our experiences? Dismiss it as homophobia or over the top hysteria? Allowed to taunt or tease people going through some of the worst moments of their life? And not be shown the door?

By the way, our pain is already on display and always has been. This is a free forum. Anyone can read it without registering. I think it's important to speak our truth for everyone to hear, if you want others to gain some understanding as to why it exists and why it's valid. Keeping it hidden is no better than the closet most of us were ushered into.


“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer

September 29, 2021 12:40 am  #169

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

Daryl wrote:


I know I know. Everything you say...I see the good sense in your reply.
It was a kneejerk reaction


KIA KAHA                       

September 29, 2021 10:43 am  #170

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

H Daryl,

Yes I read it.  It gave me the impression that the main mission of SSN is to promote acceptance of LGBT to prevent future betrayal of spouses.  That there should be mutual respect and empathy between the deceived spouse and the deceiver.  That we haven't already explained how we have been damaged to our deceivers.

I suppose I thought the main focus here was on the straight spouse and supporting them through their difficult discovery. That's what it says above: "provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+."   Regarding mutual respect and empathy, seems to me we are the only half of that equation who are capable of that.  If our spouses were, this would have never happened to us.  And the lack of remorse post discovery confirms that many of these individuals have serious empathy problems.  There is also a how to guide for them to let us down easy and allow us to lead an authentic life as well.  That is really strange. 

And yes I believed there were rules limiting who can join this forum.  Above it says SSN is "a peer-to-peer network".  I always interpreted that as fellow deceived spouses.  

Best to you.



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