Have you read those links in the resource section for the LGBTQ partner?

I did. It's written very much from OUR perspective, but aimed towards the non-straight partner. It covers many of the same things we keep saying here about how this can affect us. It's like a 'consider this' list written by one of us to our spouse.

As for news links, OurPath can't control what the media publishes nor should they ignore it, in my opinion. As it stands, it's not really a prominent item on the website. Other resources get the main screen space. If you think the news orgs do not spend enough time looking at things from our perspective, why not leave them your comments on their pages? Change always has to start somewhere.

I've never seen any rules limiting who can join this Forum. Obviously the admins will remove spammers, trolls and anyone who breaks the main posting rules. There have been a number of LGBTQ members here over the years (or on the older forum site). Cameron, Difflurker and Sean come to my mind. There may be a few others I've forgotten. Not everyone here might have approved of their presence but I think they all made good contributions and were never rude or unsympathetic towards others here.

I think trying to make this a straights-only forum would be the end of the forum. No organization can condone discrimination based on sexual orientation. Besides, how would you enforce it? Was anyone here asked to prove they were a straight spouse before they joined? How many people would be willing to reveal that much person information to this site, just to ask some questions?

Does anyone really think that other members would be allowed to disrupt our conversations? Permitted to discount our experiences? Dismiss it as homophobia or over the top hysteria? Allowed to taunt or tease people going through some of the worst moments of their life? And not be shown the door?

By the way, our pain is already on display and always has been. This is a free forum. Anyone can read it without registering. I think it's important to speak our truth for everyone to hear, if you want others to gain some understanding as to why it exists and why it's valid. Keeping it hidden is no better than the closet most of us were ushered into.

Peace.
 

delete



 

Last edited by Lynne (July 15, 2022 6:27 pm)

Daryl wrote:

...,,By the way, our pain is already on display and always has been. This is a free forum. Anyone can read it without registering. I think it's important to speak our truth for everyone to hear, if you want others to gain some understanding as to why it exists and why it's valid. Keeping it hidden is no better than the closet most of us were ushered into..... 

Oh yes I know this, know that anybody can read the Forum. And yes when we've had the odd partner of a straightspouse come in and try to 'explain' him or herself in the Forum they haven't stayed long....except for Sean, and I never quite got my head around why he was given so much freedom here, or why members were so emamoured with his presence because all he ever did was acknowledge our pain......but this change of focus feels, to me, like a precursor to even more inclusivity and welcoming in of the LGBTQ community which, when I stop and think about it...should be good/could be good.
 
Then I think of the journey of the LGBTQ man or woman, years and years of growing up myself as a teenager and young person, then mother and friend (yes I had friends who were gay and I sympathised with their struggle, and the inequity and misunderstanding of their lives)...but nowhere in all the 4 years I've been a member have I seen or read of a straightspouse entering an LGBTQ space and opening up, telling his/herstory, being welcomed and understood. I haven't read all the bisexual forums of course but nowhere have I seen a gay person posting "I was reading SSN the other day....man it was sobering. Have any of you ever thought how much we hurt them?"

I'm so wary of their ra-ra authenticity that the thought of letting them into this space simply makes me angry. And a little sad because if they become part of our furniture...it's no longer our house. 

Elle

Daryl wrote:

...Does anyone really think that other members would be allowed to disrupt our conversations? Permitted to discount our experiences? Dismiss it as homophobia or over the top hysteria? Allowed to taunt or tease people going through some of the worst moments of their life? And not be shown the door?
 

I do.   We are already up against a headwind here.   and how can an administrator police taunting?

acknowledging the pain we are in is never easy.  This forum has been an incredible support for a lot of people - it is sad to see it crumbling.  

  

 

Ellexoh_nz wrote:

I'm so wary of their ra-ra authenticity that the thought of letting them into this space simply makes me angry. And a little sad because if they become part of our furniture...it's no longer our house.
Elle

I totally get that. I'd be quick on the report button if I saw someone join and start telling us how we should be happy, etc. I also expect it would be handled promptly. I don't believe there's an invasion coming, except for additional straight spouses who need help.

Take care.