OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+.


For more information about our recent name change, please read our press release or visit our website at https://www.ourpath.org.


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September 16, 2021 4:10 pm  #141


Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

It's just a site name..what matters more is the support it offers.


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

September 16, 2021 5:05 pm  #142


Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

I guess I lied - I'm still answering questions.

We've had several potential grant makers and corporate donors come back and tell us that they get our mission, and they'd like to help. But... they can't have a company with the word "straight" in their name listed on their roster of nonprofits they donate to. And do you know why? Because a few years back when white supremacists started holding straight pride marches, they effed it all up for us. And no, we can't "educate" corporations about it. What they're worried about is other non-educated individuals seeing them in a bad light because they're helping an organization with the word straight in their name.

This is the same place, and we do the same thing as we've always done. This is help. And it won't matter what we name ourselves - people in need will find us. Because they're not searching for the words straight spouse. I can see exactly what search terms they're using because we have Google Analytics. And you know what they're using?
"Is my husband gay?"
"I think my wife is a lesbian."
"My husband is looking at gay porn."
"Do I open my marriage with my bi-sexual partner?"

And those roads will still all lead back to us. That's just how Google works. It takes a bit of time though, of course. Even if people searched the words straight spouse, they'll wind up on our old site, which points to our new site. They are desperate for help. We could name ourselves "Flying Monkeys" and they'd still find us.

We are not selling out, or selling our souls. We are not watering down the message. We have no intention of tailoring our stories. None of that is what's happening.

We have no guarantee that any of this will result in growth. But I had no guarantee that leaving my ex would mean that I'd find love again, either. I just knew that what I was doing wasn't going to work long-term. So I held my nose and I jumped. And I found love again. I shudder to think what my life would be like today if I'd let that fear hold me back. We're going boldly, guys.


You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
     Thread Starter
 

September 16, 2021 6:14 pm  #143


Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

Kel wrote:

I guess I lied - I'm still answering questions.

We've had several potential grant makers and corporate donors come back and tell us that they get our mission, and they'd like to help. But... they can't have a company with the word "straight" in their name listed on their roster of nonprofits they donate to. 

well if you are still answering questions could you answer mine - is it possible to put our name Straight Spouse forum on the banner underneath the OurPath logo - if they are sympathetic to our support for straight spouses and don't want to change the way things are and only care about the names listed on their roster this should be fine, no?

 

September 16, 2021 6:24 pm  #144


Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

The name of the org and the website does not define my identity nor do I feel betrayed. Betrayal usually means something like a promise made that is then rescinded. I don't feel that has happened here.

I do not think you can fairly say "Many of us feel". You only know what you feel and the few others who have questioned this change by posting about it. There are 2568 registered users here. We've heard from a very tiny fraction of that number. Even if 90% of users are inactive, we still haven't heard from the majority of active users. You can put me on the record as not concerned about the new name. Kel has said "We have no intention of tailoring our stories."

Finally, I have no wish to be assumed as connected with, or supporting of, homophobic protestors. If the SSN name confuses people, then a name change is the right move, in my opinion.

Last edited by Daryl (September 16, 2021 6:26 pm)


“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
 

September 16, 2021 7:43 pm  #145


Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

Kel wrote:

.......And you know what corporate donors and grant makers don't want to be associated with these days? The word "straight".......

 They don't want to be associated with the word describing who we are?

Wow....just wow. I can't get my head around that


 

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (September 16, 2021 7:49 pm)


KIA KAHA                       
 

September 16, 2021 10:20 pm  #146


Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

Daryl wrote:

The name of the org and the website does not define my identity nor do I feel betrayed. Betrayal usually means something like a promise made that is then rescinded. I don't feel that has happened here.

 If the SSN name confuses people, then a name change is the right move, in my opinion.

What's in a name?  the Straight Spouse Network offered support - it's not a binding contract or a promise between two people  but it was a promise of sorts.  and included a hands holding logo.  Amity Buxton has helped so many with the dynamism of her heartfelt reaching out to other straight spouses and saying you're not alone.  She has literally been inspiring, touched me I know that for sure.  And watching her video on the new website gave me reassurance, but maybe she is retiring?, idk - the feeling I've had is that the whole focus of the organisation now called OurPath has been shifting a bit for some time.

well you know what.  the pain is real.  oh boy.  there's a lot of it around.  sometimes you don't want the help of a therapist so much as the honest unsanitised conversation of people who are or were in your shoes, hats off to Amity Buxton starting the Straight Spouse Network.  Hats off to the people who have moderated this forum and kept it a safe place.

We could of course dump the S word, go for extra syllables and call this the Heterosexual Spouses Support Mob - catchy isn't it.  Somehow though, I get the feeling that would be unacceptable too.

all the best, everyone, Lily




 

Last edited by lily (September 16, 2021 10:23 pm)

 

September 17, 2021 3:02 am  #147


Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

FYI…SSN/Our path, I’m 100% behind whatever decisions your organization deems appropriate to ensure it’s growth/survival. Thank you for all that you do, it is greatly appreciated.

I’m a woman first and foremost, I don’t consider myself a straight ‘spouse’ anymore to be quite honest, although still legally married, for now.

Where I live, women who marry keep their maiden names, they cannot drop it to assume their husband’s family name. They can add to their own maiden name, that’s it, their name and the woman’s identity is not erased, simply because they married. The kids, the parents decide which surname their child will carry. Vast majority of the kids take on the father’s family name.

Last edited by longwayhome (September 17, 2021 4:32 am)


I never cease to wonder at the cruelty of this land, but it seems a time of sadness is a time to understand, is it mine, oh lord is it mine, when everything is dark ….. Roger Hodgson. 
 

September 17, 2021 12:05 pm  #148


Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

I like the new site.  I like the videos.  I like the testimonials.  I like that it finally feels like I am visiting a group that exists in the 2020s and not stuck in the 1990s.

If anything, my biggest complaint about the old SSN site is it always felt a bit like a club of people who really bonded and got something out of it back in 1999-2003, but who neglected to pay it forward.  The not-so-subtle message was ‘Shoulda been here years ago because nobody cares anymore.’

However, the obvious truth is that there is a dedicated and hard working team of people behind the scenes who have dared to try something new in order to revitalize something in desperate need.

They have steered the old decrepit SSN into a new era. 

Based on what I see on this new site, I’m a believer that the people running this organization have a vision and are implementing it.  Amen!

 

September 17, 2021 5:10 pm  #149


Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

personally I think the only real option we had as a site for straights was to hold onto the name, Straight Spouse Network and the built in history of linking to it - stay small potatoes.








 

 

September 18, 2021 2:00 am  #150


Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

Kel wrote:

... they can't have a company with the word "straight" in their name listed on their roster of nonprofits they donate to. And do you know why? Because a few years back when white supremacists started holding straight pride marches, they effed it all up for us. And no, we can't "educate" corporations about it. What they're worried about is other non-educated individuals seeing them in a bad light because they're helping an organization with the word straight in their name..

Why do you keep repeating this falsehood? The Straight Pride Parade was not a white supremacist event. You are perpetuating a completely fabricated claim and using that claim to justify the decision. This is just one part of wider social movement to make heterosexuality and cis people out to be bad (either directly or by association).

I understand why you can't educate corporate suits. They don't care about truth. They only wish to jump onto a social movement that might reap power and money for themselves. However, you can choose not to perpetuate the falsehood yourself. The board could choose not to align this organization with the ever bending of reality to meet the goals of others, and just stand firm in public. A few hundred people get called "white supremacist" (with no evidence in favor and tons against the claim) and use the phrase "Straight Pride". In response to this pile of nothing, this site change's its name?

We should have had a delegation at a parade with a name like this! After all, the feeling of "pride" doesn't just belong to the gay spouse, does it? I have been told that "Pride" isn't about being actually proud anyway, just not feeling alone, isolated, and closeted up. Well, doesn't that sound familiar to those here? Straight spouses could do for some of that. However, we aren't allowed to feel this way, are we? We are just supposed to be "allies". So, when people heard there would be a "straight pride" parade, the attendees were vilified before anyone protesting them even knew who would be there or why. They were slandered for simply saying "straight pride." Again, as it turned out, it was little more than a small band of Trump supporters, lead by a white gay man with a black gay husband - all for a laugh at the pearl clutching masses of leftists.

What if it was called the heterosexual pride event? Would you drop that word? At some point, which was a long time ago, people need to stand their ground. Heck, even if the little parade was what you and propagandists falsely claim it was, SO WHAT? A singular and nothing event in one city? We have more members than that parade had participants several times over. Why should we be expected to change?

Oh, yes, because the public doesn't want to find out that some company gave money to anything with the word "straight' in the name. Well, guess what that makes us straight people? Presumed guilty (just like the parade attendees). You are perpetuating the injustice done to the parade attendees onto us.

I am fine, in all honesty, with the name change - but I abhor and reject this capitulating justification based on a lie - a lie designed strictly to belittle those that don't cooperate with leftism and desire to stigmatize and diminish straight people. They will come for this site, eventually, regardless of the name. Arguably, they already have, and this thread proves it. Leftist agenda inserted, yet again, where it has no place. Calling ourselves SSN isn't conservative or white supremacist - its factual. Doing otherwise, to satisfy one side of a sociopolitical movement is to become partisan, not avoid doing so. OurPath is a name that's okay, I guess. Its just this reasoning I cannot accept.

I genuinely appreciate this site's existence and those that helped it to be here when I needed it.

 

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