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December 17, 2020 3:50 am  #11

Re: Need support

The selfishness of the "outed" spouses on this forum still amazes me, unfortunately I have to agree with the other posters , WHY did she come out now, OF COURSE she wants to remain best friends and have her dates as well ( its called cake- read CHUMPLADY.COM)  she wants her life to get better and to hell with yours, 
You are still very early days and the shock and grief is overwhelming I know, but she is not committing to your marriage she wants to experiment , therefore you need to lay it on the line,- say NO , no friendly outings- see how she reacts then, that will guide you


December 17, 2020 10:47 am  #12

Re: Need support


I am sorry that you have to be here. I understand your pain. It is real and deep. Don't doubt that it is real or that is your fault. It can get really foggy sometimes. You have kept your marriage vows; but she has asked you if she can break hers.  Hold firm to your values and don't get drawn into her beliefs about what is right and fair.

"I spent months trying to plead and convince my ex to stay married and committed to me... She was my life.. all I knew.  I couldn't face losing her. 

years later...  I'm so glad she left!   My life is so much better now." Phoenix

Phoenix has risen from the ashes! The first paragraph is, I believe, what has been going through my husbands head for years.  But the second part of your quote is music to my ears. "My life is so much better now."

One day at a time is all I can handle!!


December 17, 2020 10:51 am  #13

Re: Need support

Don't doubt that it is real or that is your fault."

Edit: "...don't BELIEVE that it is your fault.

Sorry. 😶


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