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1 of 1- blindone
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Turns out...everybody suspected he was gay!
I'm about 8 months out from discovery that my fiancé cheated on me w/men. He has only admitted to one, trying to find out if the thoughts in his head confirmed what people suspected all his life.
When we first broke up, many people (friends and family) were quick to ask me if he's gay. People who had only met him a few times, very limited amount of time. Never saw his home, etc.
Now, even now, more and more people who met him ONCE I'm finding out suspected he was gay.
Is this just the classic case of putting someone in a box b/c they dress differently, don't hang around w/the guys and drink beer and do all those guy things? This is what I loved about him was that he wasn't a gross guy. Well, at least in the sense of sports all the time, beer, burping, etc......
I feel like a fool!!!!!!!!
- Rob
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Re: Turns out...everybody suspected he was gay!
I asked friends that knew my GX for years and even they did not know.
So regardless of people saying they knew or not .. it doesn't make any difference..it still hurts like hell.
You dodged a bullet. Painful but better than years later with kids.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- TangledOil
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Re: Turns out...everybody suspected he was gay!
I think with some it’s very easy to tell and with others there’s no way anyone would have suspected. I met a lady’s husband a few years back at a kid’s birthday party. I knew immediately he was some kid’s gay dad. Turned out he was the husband of the lady I knew. I was shocked. Utterly speechless. I thought there was no way she couldn’t know. A few years later he ran off never to be seen again (at least for many months to years) to live as a gay man. Their kids were utterly devastated as was the wife.
A straight man can be classy and not gross though for sure. I think there are stereotypes all around... not everyone fits neatly.
My husband loves going to sporting events with male friends (and all the kids). He drinks beer. He's well educated and highly respected. He's classy too. He'll gladly see a Broadway musical and go out for an elegant meal at a 5 star restaurant. He's also bi.
Last edited by TangledOil (December 15, 2020 4:54 pm)
- ThisTooShallPass
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Re: Turns out...everybody suspected he was gay!
My husband came out after 14+ years of marriage. We limped through our 15th anniversary. Here we are trying to figure out how to untangle our lives and move forward now.
I never suspected. I felt like a fool. I knew he had been teased in middle/high school, called gay, etc. I know kids can be cruel though, and I didn't think much of it. Because I never suspected! I guess I was too young and naive to ask "Well, are you?"
His TWIN BROTHER didn't know or suspect. Some people are that good at hiding it. He asked his brother, even with all the teasing he endured? His brother said he knew various classmates were gay, but no, he said he was caught off guard when my husband told him. And my husband said he never knew any of those people were gay...even though he claims he has gaydar?
I read an article, where the woman said she worked in fashion with a lot of gay men and neither she nor her gay coworkers/friends suspected her husband was gay. So again, that gaydar thing is strange, and again, you just can't tell.
My husband has said that he knows his entire adult life people have talked in hushed tones about him, rumors about him being gay. He actually came out to an openly gay coworker first, and the coworker implied he knew, and that when my husband started his job there, everyone came to him asking if my husband was gay. So...maybe they let their guard down around certain people. Maybe they protect themselves more around others. I don't know.
Regardless, Rob is right. It hurts like hell. I've quit obsessing over the "Why didn't I know?" and have started focusing on how to take care of myself and the kids.
- SusanneH
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Re: Turns out...everybody suspected he was gay!
TTSP, your post reminded me of something. Just something that now comes to mind when I see certain people because I started looking for it, too 🥴.
Earlier this year, my neice came out as a lesbian. When we first heard she was getting divorced, I actually immediately thought her husband might be gay. He just seemed a little femine. Well, I was obviously wrong and TOTALLY shocked! She always had a boyfriend. Anyway, They were already divorced and she had moved in with her gf.
My bisexual husband wasn’t surprised at all. Then he said “It takes one to know one”. So, sometimes I see someone on TV and I just ask, “is he one?”, just to see what he says. Like you said, it’s hard to tell. Heck, my husband has no physical ways that are femine at all. I had no idea about him, either. 🙄
- LostAtSea
- Unregistered
Re: Turns out...everybody suspected he was gay!
When someone either suppresses it so well, they hide it from themselves to hide it from you. I'm dealing with a whole different time of issue on spouse being transgender and now possible bi.
My head hurts just thinking about it, but my heart also hurts since he hide it so well that he didn't want to believe it himself. To the point of being sucidial and taking this secret of a voice inside the wrong body to his grave. The revelation that he "realized" who he really was from cross dressing and looking in the mirror while wiping off makeup and not recognizing the person looking back at him. He tells me the body was wrong and it didn't match the mind. And he didn't want to suffer anymore so the news had to come out.
He also loves baseball, football, guy stuff and no one would believe this news but we have yet to share it. He said in his "guy" form he's attracted to guy things..women, sports, etc. In his female form, he's attracted to female things...men, clothes, makeup.
I don't know how I went from a "heterosexual" husband to a transgender bi female. I'm still blown away.