DeeDee1771 wrote:

So this morning, while enjoying our coffee, he decided he HAD to tell me about the dream he had last night..........I think this dream went on.....with much more detail.  I didn't ask any questions.
But, I am confused as to why he would tell me about this odd dream and also why he wouldn't share the entire dream with me. I am certain he isn't telling me everything (not that I would want to know the 'bi' aspects of it, anyway). I am just wondering if anyone thinks this was his way of baiting me into another 'bi' discussion or was he looking for me to be all accepting of it and say "...that's so hot!...then what happened"?

 

We don't know what any person is thinking really do we? Some of what he related may be true, he may have kept some of the juicier parts to himself. But dreams are dreams, while we are asleep. My partner often made me laugh when he told me about a dream he had. They were often taking bits of people, adding a strangers name, or dreaming one person is doing something, the dreamer never saw their face but just knew subconsciously that's who it was. If what I just typed out sounds confusing....that's what dreams are like!
The fact the dream was sexually-weird may mean he's thinking sexual thoughts much of the time. I know the contents of my partners dreams often had aspects of the jobs he's been in, so directly relating to things he's been involved in....kinda...lol.

Personally I think he told you about it because he wanted to hear himself saying it. Maybe he wanted to use it as a sexual come-on and it played in his mind like a movie. My man used to stay up late watching porn then come to bed and keep it all alive by putting his hands on me, wanting sex. After I realised I was a substitute for porn I shut that right down  

DeeDee...if you don't want to discuss it you're right not to ask questions, but you probably need to get to a space where you're just not bothered about his dreams, what happens in them AND what they mean. The space between knowing your partner/husband/boyfriend is trustworthy, knows you & wouldn't do anything to hurt you
and the space where your mind is clear and sharp and strong....is so deep and wide, full of pitfalls and no-exit pathways but I got there and so will you. It was difficult to disassociate my emotions from a man I've shared so much with. I used to have to know everything about what he did, was he with somebody else? where was he? It was a killer...lol
Thank my lucky emotions I learned it was easier to breathe through those questions in my mind, realise I didn't own his thoughts....and not ask him.

Elle











 

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (October 28, 2020 2:14 pm)

DeeDee1771 wrote:

................. Here's hoping I can get to the point where I just don't care about stupid things like dreams/thoughts, etc.

For ages I was a mess, and still in a position of thinking I could make him NOT have bisexual needs. My emotions were tragic. Living in Australia at the time...I'd wake and cry EVERY MORNING at the thought of leaving him and have permanent dark circles under my eyes as a lasting reminder. I might have left him then if I'd been stronger.....but looking back I had so much to learn. About him, about myself. It's a process we all have to go through. Some of us have the strength to leave earlier, some don't. Some decide like me to hold on to my admittedly easy life and to change the dynamics of it just as my partner decided (secretly) to change it 4 years ago. 
I can't say it won't change again either. But whatever happens I'll be stronger, have contingencies in place to make it easier. 
When a man is bisexual, and leading a straight life, and his partner is still having sex with him....that giving of ourselves to our man surely makes us seem pliable/wanting to please, makes him believe we'll put up with anything, even dismissal and disdain.