This is recent for me. We said we are going to be monogamous and I did not think about that yet......

Re-reading my last post and what I stated isn’t quite accurate. We have many serious conversations and we also can laugh and joke about it now. We need that. It can’t be all serious. We need the levity. 

Also, we have incorporated “gas sex play” (role playing) into our intimate activities at times. So he did get to add that in, but he says he watches less gay porn now. 

Julian, 

That is funny. 😂 We don’t do the gay sex play often and I probably initiate it half the time at least. He doesn’t ask me to do anything in particular really. Because he’s a victim of childhood sexual abuse by a teen male he’s very good about letting me do what’s within my comfier zone. He doesn’t want me to feel victimized and I don’t. He’s always been that way though. My husband has zero interest in romance with a man. He’s not particularly into men’s bodies either. I think it’s mostly the penis alone because that is what he experienced when he was abused. He and I have spoken about this extensively and he’d most likely call himself “heteromantic” and “heteroflexible.“ 

Last edited by TangledOil (October 19, 2020 5:17 pm)

Hi Julian, 

Thank you. He was quite young and didn’t know it was wrong. He says he’s never experienced any romantic attraction to a man. If we weren’t together he’d want a very occasional FWB type situation. No romance. I do believe him, but I’m not having him test it out. 

TangledOil wrote:

I’ve done a fair amount of research on this and there are quite a few guys that just want to get together for occasional penis play apparently... no hugging, kissing, anal, romance, etc... it’s weird to me to but I know it’s something some do. They are often married and their wives know and approve. 

TO, My husband is one of those.....almost

Definitely no hugging, kissing, anal, romance, etc...

But, I had NO idea! And, sure didn’t approve.

However, to reduce it to “penis play” sounds like it was kids playing in the park instead of the disgusting ways they snuck around, and nasty places they did it, .......etc. The movies that have gone through my head over & over.....well, let’s just say, I’m not over it yet. 

As far as how he’s dealing now: better than I am. He hasn’t been with a man since May, 2019, yet I keep thinking he is, especially when he doesn’t ask for sex as often, like right now. I misinterpreted something the other day & got (for no real reason) suspicious & was spouting off about it in the shower........well, I didn’t realize he was sitting in the next room listening to me accusing him & more. I felt really bad when I saw him, and told him what had set me off.....(I’ll leave out details. Confusing). I’ve been getting ready for a polygraph for him to see if he’s been faithful since last June, and he immediately said let’s get it done NOW! He wants me to find out he's been good so I'll stop going crazy over nothing. It also says to me he's telling the truth 😊.  So, I’ll be glad to have that out of the way. If he passes that, it will ease my mind tremendously. He’s been working really hard. He thinks about men several times a day. Both of his therapists have said that’s normal. He says thinking about it and doing something about it are two different things, and he’s right there!
He would rather have an open marriage , but I’m strictly monogamous. In every way,
. Period. He mentioned it once & I told him not to only ’no’, but that knowing that it’s part of my core values and that he already spent 14 1/2 years of our marriage cheating & now he was asking for my blessings to do it with my knowledge. ....And that itself was insulting and showed lack of respect for me and my beliefs. He’s never Brought it up since.
So, we’ll see if it works. Sure hope so.



 

Last edited by SusanneH (October 20, 2020 5:05 pm)