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Welcome to the OurPath (formerly Straight Spouse Network) Open Forum.
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  •  » I’m emotionally and physically drained.

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    September 30, 2020 1:24 pm  #11

    Blue Bear
    Member

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    Re: I’m emotionally and physically drained.

    My ex-wife tried to convince me that her affair with the mother of our older daughter's friend "just happened" and she couldn't explain it.  Well, she got drunk one night and confessed to me that she knew about her same-sex attraction for at least 20 years.  My girlfriend (also a straight spouse) told me that her ex-husband knew he was gay "since age 9".  They knew about their same-sex attraction all along.

    You commented "Maybe I gave him too much room to do his own thing."  Stop that thinking now.  You are trying to assume some of the blame for this situation.  Most of us straight spouses are highly empathetic people who are prone to falling into thinking this way when the gay bomb drops.  This is not your fault; your husband is a pathological liar.          

     

    September 30, 2020 2:26 pm  #12

    LisaT
    New member

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    Re: I’m emotionally and physically drained.

    I feel like the more I push him the more he tells me which is why I’m where I am now. I pushed and pulled until he confessed then confessed more and more. I’m sure there’s still more.

    Today I did some self care. I went for a swim and some tanning and looked at property on Belize.  I’m thinking of me now. I finally told a friend. I feel like a mountain has been lifted.  Thank you all for the support if has been exactly what I’ve needed. I’ll keep you all posted as things move along. He still claims he wants us to get thru this.... he also told me he was faithful and honest for the last ten years too so there’s that.

    Let me add that in his confessions he said he was thinking about it for a few years before acting on it. He is in his late 50’s. And that as a boy another boy had touched him in his sleep and he pretended to stay asleep and let him touch him.   Short of admitting he’s full blown gay I can’t imagine what’s left to uncover.

    Last edited by LisaT (September 30, 2020 2:34 pm)

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    September 30, 2020 4:21 pm  #13

    Ellexoh_nz
    Member

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    Re: I’m emotionally and physically drained.

    LisaT wrote:

    I don’t even know where to start. I’m not upset my husband has been fooling around with men I’m upset that there are a million lies to go with it. We’ve been together 25 years and I now know half of it he’s been unfaithful to me. I only just learned about all of this September 1st. It’s all new and fresh and painful. My husband is a cereal cheater. He says now that it’s out in the open he will never cheat again. He’s sorry and wants me to stay. I really honestly don’t know what to do.i don’t know how to trust him again yet I love him and don’t want to leave him.

    Hey Lisa....welcome to the Forum. Sad to say but every straightspouse has to go through an initial "what the fuck has happened to the world, my marriage, my life!!" 

    Members are here to help, advice, cheer up  
    I do advise you to keep a store of healthy & mindful anger within the confusion you feel. This isn't a fair or easy spot we get put in. And you have to be mentally and emotionally stronger than the man who's been deceitful

    Warm hugs to you 

    Elle
     

    KIA KAHA                       
     

     

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