Yesterday was probably the worst because I found poppers in his bag. Did not know what that was and come to find it is a drug. Talking to him tonight that it is not acceptable especially because we have a teenager in the house.

He sounds like an addict and not ready to give it up yet. You might find some tips on 'confrontation' on sites aimed at alcohol and IV drug abuse interventions.

How are you coping these days, Stevo?

Hi Stevo, so glad to hear you are doing o k. We are not even divorced yet, will eventually get to the paperwork. But for now, we still live together as well. ALSO as very good friends, - well I am still getting used to this idea, but we still love each other, I just need to love as a friend, but I am slowly but surely getting there. In fact, I took my wedding ring off about two weeks ago, it still feels weird but I can't wear it anymore because he isn't and can't be the love of my life anymore. I never ever!!!!looked in the direction of another man in our 29 years of married life, just as you say, I was devoted too. However, my husband felt that this is what the church and God expects, and he did the best he could in all these years. For me - most of the time, - I was satisfied. Not over the moon, just satisfied and didn't expect more. The 2nd coming out for him, as I knew before we got married, that he is gay, - was - and this is the hard bit for me, as both our sons are gay too!! - when our 2nd son came out, it was easier for me to accept the facts. With our first son it took me 10 years...he is now 26. However since our 2nd son came out, my husband, actually accepted himself for the first time in 50 years too... he was 56 at the time, (2 years ago). He thought ,well, if we accept the boys for who they are, why not accept himself...If was like a veil that came off my face, and for the first time really, I realised who he actually was all these years. I thought it would go away, Stevo, what did I know in 1992 when we got married? I grew up in a very conservative home, and I didn't even have a good relationship with my mum, who should have warned me then... but we never really talked about deep and important things of life. Anyway, we live together, and even will do so, after being divorced, as we bought this house together, and want to at least leave something for our sons later in life to inherit. We are a very close family, we love being together, but my husband and I have the understanding that we both have freedom to get out, see friends etc. He can't go into a sexual relationship anymore due to a prostatectomy he's had 6 years ago... but he has made strong online friends. But as you say, quite frankly I can't be bothered who his friends are, or will be in the future, because I have to move on. We have been living in separate rooms for the past two years anyway, as the good excuse was that I get up so early in the mornings for work, and he goes to bed late at night (12am) and we don't disturb each other...works for me! I lived for my family, and now I have to start living for myself. Find hobbies again, which I have packed so far away, (music and singing) etc. I am so worried for your son...he is still very young... the book I am currently reading explains with one couple that their communication to their children wasn't great and the two boys struggled for a very long time. I guess great, and regular and open communication and the continuous love for your son might help him to cope. Other children from other couples, (according to the author) were upset because the truth has been withheld from them, or one was told and the other one much later... I also guess a therapist might make some positive suggestions in this regard... I must say reading this book, is giving me more insight, and I can clearly see all those pointers in our married life NOW, which I didn't see at the time or during those years. Talking a lot to my husband, helps me to understand what has happened, we have not stopped talking friend-to-friend in the past month, since I have decided we need to divorce. He opens up a lot more, and I am not scared to ask any questions, which I never would have asked during our married life. This is very liberating for both of us, and while living as friends, our home is still a welcoming place for our two sons, they feel loved and welcome when they are with us... Whatever you do, make life as normal as possible for your son, so that he doesn't choose sides... I can understand that everyone wants somebody to love them, I don't want to be trapped in a marriage, feeling forced to live with someone just for the sake of expectations from society, family or friends...but my husband did, as I said, I will walk the way with him!! (studpid of me, hey? as I thought this marriage is for life). Stevo, when I was little, I thought to myself I never ever want to have a marriage like my parents, they were like fire and oil from day 2, and eventually divorced after 30 years... my husband and I had a happy life 95% of the time, I wonder if we quarreled 5 times, as in seriously, so I didn't have the life my parents had, I am very greatful for that...but now, that ends, and I have to make a new beginning...at the age of 52...that scares me...but there is a small fire of hope within me.... Question: does your family know, your friends, your colleagues? This is the hard part for me....