Dad1st,
I am so, so sorry you are going through this. 

I would like to comment on your sharing that your wife revealed her gay indications to you two months ago and is now looking at dating apps.  I think this is so inappropriate of anyone, regardless of their sexual preference.  If you are legally married to someone, you don't get to "date" other people.  Period.  It is disrespectful and hurtful to your spouse and yes, it is cheating, even if the other person knows about it.   

Regarding staying married in a platonic relationship, I guess I would say to each his own and maybe it works for some people but ...   In my opinion, you can't be happily married unless you have a loving sexual relationship.  That means different things to different people, but geez  - when you got married, did you want to have a lover or a roommate?  My spouse suggested a similar relationship when the s**t hit the fan and I said no way.  I'd rather be alone forever.  

I wish you all the best and I hope you are able to figure out what to do.

  
 

Thanks Leslie, thats how I feel also. I actually asked her if she thought it was ok to look for intimacy while we are married and she said no and got all emotional. I know she is hurting and I am torn between helping the person I love and helping myself cope.

Yeah I cannot get my head around a marriage where we are room mates. Room mates do not have the same privileges as partners. When I say it it sounds so hollow but that is how I feel, and I am not sure I can face an uncertain future and live together in an unloving (at least at that level) relationship.

I guess one wants to do it for the kids but they also deserve both parents happy not just one, and not parents who argue and are just making things work.

 

Thanks Victo, 

Yeah I find it hard to believe there was no doubts. She mentioned she always had a thing for her friends etc but that she never entertained it as it was sin. As I mentioned we were very religious at a time.

Exactly I find it hard to understand where my priorities should lie help her be there for her for a time but then she has to also commit to making the marriage work. Sure I can support her exploring but its not right that she gets to have it on both sides, a supportive husband and exploring her new found orientation while I have to accept a broken relationship.

Thanks lily,

Haha I feel for my kids as I try my upmost to be the dad they deserve but at times I just can't not to mention how she is with the kids right now much shorter fuse than usual.

I think she wants so much to believe that this is it, she now knows what is wrong with her why she feels incomplete and can't be intimate. She has not even been with another woman yet but she is at a place where she is ok to move me aside and accept that she know knows and understands. She uses phrases like "for the first time ever I feel like the world makes sense" so she is scared to challenge this, any questions I bring up about our future the kids future etc makes her doubt and she is like a dog with a bone not wanting to let go.

I feel like I am grieving the loss of a friend, a relationship and a future and she does not seem to understand it and is thinking just of herself (from my perspective anyway)

oh I'm sorry - "for the first time ever I feel like the world makes sense" - she is already in love with a woman.  well she is isn't she - that is a classic expression of someone in love.