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August 24, 2020 11:44 pm  #1

A success story

This is my first time posting here.  I met my DH in college, and we have been together over 14 years, married for 7, and have three beautiful children.  I have known since before we dated he was bisexual.  He is not out to all his friends or family (catholic background), but my family and friends know as well as college friends.  We have worked hard to maintain the right boundaries and expectations in our relationship.  We have normal relationship problems, but at the end of the day we choose to be with each other.

How I wish a forum like this was around to help me find success stories, so I'll share some of what I/we've learned:

It is totally possible for someone to be bisexual.  This is not a roadway or transition to being gay.  He has known of his attraction to men, but fell in love with a woman.  However, he is honest about his feelings and doesn't hide things.  Transparency is huge, even if it can be uncomfortable.

You can also be monogamous.  He does not seek out other relationships or sex with men.  Do we incorporate those fantasies and desires into our sex life?  Absolutely!  I am confident in his desire to be intimate only with me.  Can intimacy look different and involve garnering consent for certain things?  Sure.  Talk through together what those boundaries are and when and how you give consent.  We agreed that he can share pics and chat on certain apps, but they must know about me and the conversations are shared with me.  It takes work.  It's a marriage.  But he's the one for me.  And I am worth finding happiness and love in our marriage.

We both enjoy sex together, but have learned that an orgasm does not mean intimacy.  We strive to be intimate emotionally, physically, and mentally.  We both really enjoy our sex life together.  Toys can be fun! But talk together about what is going to work for the two of you. He does not enjoy pegging or anal penetration, but they are topics we always re-evaluate.

I wanted to share my perspective because I see so many posts about if a MOM can work.  Yes, it can, but honesty and communication are the cornerstone for a successful marriage.  Like all relationships, we sometimes lose this focus, because life happens.  Kids can be consuming, resentments can build, and feelings can be hidden away.  So, invest in some really good therapy.  Both individual and couples. Prepare for tune ups or sometimes a full restoration.  But that is normal to any relationship.  What's not normal is hiding emotions or sexual urges or preferences.  Keep the conversations flowing and revisit expectations and the success of the marriage.


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