I think many of us have had moments in which Pride events have felt like an assault or a dismissal of the pain we've suffered, and this includes the many of us who have no problem with the larger aims of the LGTB movement. I'd add that I know gay people who find the behavior of those who misrepresent themselves as heterosexual and deceive their hetero partners to be despicable, so your blanket condemnation of "the movement" as a whole does not fit my experience (and in any case you draw sweeping conclusions without offering evidence to support them).  

I notice that you say very little and give very few details about your actual experience and situation (and this is true for your other posts as well), and say quite a lot about larger social movements (including Pride and drag events), painting them with a broad brush and pronouncing that the entire movement enables your abuse and dismisses your pain.  

 Focusing on the specific person and the specific situation you're dealing with is a whole lot less daunting than trying to take on an entire movement.  Doing so would certainly generate from others on the Forum concrete suggestions or expressions of support for your specific circumstances.  But blanket condemnations and sowing discord between straight spouses and the larger fight for acceptance and rights of LGBT folks is not likely to yield anything very useful in dealing with your own situation. 

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (August 1, 2020 9:07 am)

OutofHisCloset wrote:

I'd add that I know gay people who find the behavior of those who misrepresent themselves as heterosexual and deceive their hetero partners to be despicable, so your blanket condemnation of "the movement" as a whole does not fit my experience (and in any case you draw sweeping conclusions without offering evidence to support them).  

I notice that you say very little and give very few details about your actual experience and situation (and this is true for your other posts as well), and say quite a lot about larger social movements (including Pride and drag events), painting them with a broad brush and pronouncing that the entire movement enables your abuse and dismisses your pain.  

 Focusing on the specific person and the specific situation you're dealing with is a whole lot less daunting than trying to take on an entire movement.  Doing so would certainly generate from others on the Forum concrete suggestions or expressions of support for your specific circumstances.  But blanket condemnations and sowing discord between straight spouses and the larger fight for acceptance and rights of LGBT folks is not likely to yield anything very useful in dealing with your own situation. 

I haven't described my specific circumstances in the three posts I've given because it isn't as much my issue in them. The title of this post reflected the issue I wanted to address, not the specific person's actions and how to deal with him. I wonder if others feel similarly, and given other experiences on here, I would have to think some do.

In fact, I do think the *movement itself* enables his abuse and dismisses the pain of people on this site. I find it hypocritical that people think the coming out of someone who hasn't cared about the person they made central to their lives for decades is the opposite of loving or human, so I'm deeply disturbed by the idea across society that equality and love are liberated now. If the behavior is still given a place in society, how is society improved and not amplifying that abuse?

I question if anyone honestly supports love at this point, or simply their own beliefs and experiences. From my specific experience and how society reacts with embrasure without thought of the impact on others, it communicates that it's accepting of his behavior. This experience happened to me a long time ago, so I've known it since before I became aware of any social movements and it has been a basis of how I've processed the world and the movement always. I think deception must be more common in this group than average, but I wouldn't say hetero- people are innocent. They can also be deceptive and abusive, and in fact my concern with the Pride movement is because I think people of all backgrounds seem to be losing their way on the experiences and implications in favor of taking an only positive outlook. This inherent inequality and silencing is support of the opposite of what I believe love and concern for strangers entails. It isn't now only his actions, but also heter- people as much, by only listening to the minority group and concluding the world is now freer. I think society tends to call out hetero- people who transgress more easily-- if they know it's happened-- while it exclusively (as far as I've seen) angelicizes LGBTQ people. That's why I think there's an inherent violence of the movement partaken by all people in it for acceptance and indifference to the very deep personal wrongs to others' lives. It's clear from many stories on here that the LGBTQ person often doesn't take responsibility or ever even acknowledge their actions or that the other has feelings. So I don't think my statements are "sweeping" and "unfounded".

Hi Clintonia, 

I don't really care about the gay pride movement.  I used to think I'd respect it more if they showed support for straight spouses, but these days I think why bother even thinking that - the world is full of people with messy ideologies.  

and there are plenty of people who aren't trustworthy for one reason or another - so I think we've just got to hope to meet up with some nice ones.

all the best, Lily

Last edited by lily (August 12, 2020 1:06 pm)

I think the idea that was originally behind the movement was if a gay person can feel pride in being gay they won't want to hide in the closet but that doesn't seem to be a realistic notion - with my ex, it's like he needs a closet just as much as a hermit crab needs a shell.  and I don't think that's uncommon.

 

lily wrote:

..... 

No man who's hidden his true sexuality (even if it was a process over many years) when married to a woman, made a heterosexual life, had children etc......knows what the true meaning of pride in one's sexuality is, because they've spent their whole life running away from it

Elle