There have been quite a lot of studies as to why women put up with the entitlement, arrogance, abuse and just plain assholeness of these scumbags.  There are very, very few studies as to why the men do this.  The book someone brought up on here "Why Does He Do That" starts to address this question but seems to halt and start again by fits.  I know that I myself have felt sorry for him, wanted to beat him to death with a baseball bat and been just plain contemptuous of his cowardice.  The love, respect and affection I held for him and held so dear to myself has all but vanished.  Where did ne go?  My epifany of understanding the reason for the lies still stands ike a beacon to me.  "If I were doing these sneaky, filthy, nasty,, underhanded, lowlife and stupid things - I would probably lie about it too".  He was my world and that is now in ashes.  Give up, move on, cut him off, out or whatever - these things would be almost like a blessing to him and a vindication for him in that the lives women DO NOT MATTER.  I do know that he will self destruct and I see it happening, actually, before my eyes.  Almost like a drug addict.  And so, I remain as a reminder of what he has done to me and to us and to himself.  Happy Days!

Last edited by TwistingInTheWind (July 14, 2020 1:35 pm)

I read it all....and went through a whole range of emotion, from
"yes, see! this is is how my life is!"....to..
" I felt that/experienced that!"......and....
"....but....but.....I'm not at that point yet".......to..
"will I ever get to that point"....and...
"....so there is a light at the end of this?

It made me sad, that I get to feel empathy for my fellow straightspouses through our shared stories 
while being aware that our spouses will never feel the same

Elle