Hi Irish, Sorry for the delay in responding, like I said in the PM I had to work. 

In my response part of the purpose of writing is for me, I want to be respectful of your time and Dutchmans.

I wish you both plenty food for thought and opportunity to have a good, open conversation, because that will help you move forward through all the obstacles and feelings that are currently causing so much turmoil.
I value your respect. Don’t worry. But I also hope you have other people in your surroundings you can talk to. Family or friends? They may not always be able to grasp every of struggles completely, but such conversation may help you to elaborate and focus your own thoughts, find a way forward, and clarify where you stand. My friend, although she had a completely different view on things, helped me a great deal to consider my own thoughts more closely in what was the right thing to do.

To my wife, I have no idea what this means to her? I have never asked her that question, I have told her I love her unconditionally, but you bring up a good point and I should go through the process in understanding how she feels and understand what this means. Thank you.

I sure hope she is able to describe this to you, I really do. Because that is the boundary you’ll both have to, ought to, submit yourselves towards securing a lasting MOM with openness and no fear to talk. Afraid to hurt each other. Where love and respect conquers and agrees with the two of you both and feelings are met equally with the same importance and dignity.
Your wife can feel reassured in her understanding your unconditional love to be safe, so she can be as transparent and honest in the safety of that security. As long as she also (essential!!) cherishes your heart as the most important and valuable treasure you are to her.

I am trying not to speculate on things like is there another woman in your life, and I haven’t had the opportunity to ask these questions yet.

I want to give emphasis that I didn’t mean ‘another woman’ in reference to infidelity.  But to some friendships, particularly between women I think, can root very deep.  Women can be far more affectionate and passing emotions than man do in general. And in some stages in one’s life one could be perceptive to its warmth and intimacy.
Though I think it is also a good and legitimate question too. To get the uncertain hurdle in your thoughts answered. You have to know what you are dealing with to the full. It is apparent that things have stirred the certain ground you both walked on. Also the difficult questions need to be answered.

…as I need to keep some information private to the general public.

Of course!!

Although, I have doubt and I haven’t clarified that she knows of believes me when I say this. As I mentioned I realize I have some shortcomings and one them is not truly being there and listening to her deeper feelings. I am hoping she is willing to give me the opportunity to change.

Irish, everyone has shortcomings. Nobody is perfect. Don’t make this your fault! Or lack of being not more understanding or picture perfect. Of course there is always room to change or grow and build.
What you describe here is a frequently used argument for people confronted by their spouses coming out. And it’s so wrong! These gay feelings are not your defect in being a good enough husband! Those feelings would also have been there if you were Prince Charming with all the trimmings himself. This has nothing to do with you but everything to do with her changed (or maybe even long felt but never had the courage to tell) feelings. This is exactly something you will have to ponder on!! Because that is a mind change you need to deal with, and absorb to let its full seriousness of things that need to be addressed, come in.

Write when you can and need to. Sam.

Last edited by SamanthaNL (August 16, 2025 4:51 pm)