We all know what you are feeling because we've lived it. It's shocking at first and is usually followed up by anger,  sadness and even loneliness. The betrayal hurts. We were inserted into a life and situation of secrets and lies whether we like it or not. For some reason those who have pushed this situation on us seem to be lacking any sort of consideration or even compassion for anyone but themselves. Do you have children with him? I am so sorry for your pain. You are among those who understand.

Last edited by Judy (October 1, 2016 1:25 am)

The distrust must be horrible when he is away?    Do you trust him...I know you renewed your vows but trust is a real marriage killer.  I could not do it...I would shake when my wife went out because I didn't know if it was friends getting together or a date.  It was definitely dates turns out ..she thought I was too stupid to know...and did not care that it hurt me..

My vows meant something to me but alas somehow not to her.  I would never cheat..I would have died for her...but, alas, she did not feel the same.

Sincere hugs.

Dee,
  I couldn't even imagine years longer then the six I've been tormented by. I have a aunt who two years ago went through the same after a 25 yr marriage and a child.
What do I want?! I've asked myself that everyday since his coming out three weeks ago. What I always wanted was my marriage but what I need at this point is to not be attached to this madness. I'm ready to get out of this but I'm delayed being that I am thousands of miles from home or anyone I know. I have been looking into talking to one and I have the option for the law office on base. It's so much with being a military wife. This week I was lucky to have a family member visit but the days came and gone and now just lonesome days and nights creep back in my path.

Dee wrote:

Welcome HB,
Sorry you find yourself here, but you've come to the right place. You will get some good advice here that's usually no B.S. We've all lived it, and some of us like myself spent decades with someone only to discover this later in life after chasing our tail for several years trying to figure out what was going on in our marriage. Have you asked yourself what do you want? You say you've tried to be supportive, but the hardest thing is " his attitude." What about you?? This isn't what you signed up for, and it's never going to go away. Do you have children? I know it doesn't seem like it now, because of COURSE he should have disclosed this to you prior to your marriage, but at least you know what you are dealing with and can make your decision. The lies and betrayal only get worse with time. Perhaps you could talk to an attorney, first session is usually free, and at least find out your rights. And it's very important to connect with someone you can talk to about this, family? A close friend?
Keep posting and good luck.

HB, I'm alittle confused.  Are you moving to a new base starting in 2017? 

I hope you're employed, if not you need to find a job pronto or you need to be tucking away some cash in case you need it. 

I'd also be leery of using the bases legal offices...why you ask?  Because your husband is active military and because you have no children which means you could be in some serious trouble if he files for legal separation while on active duty overseas. You my dear will be screwed. This means you'd be homeless, so at least take notice of apartments in your area, free women's shelter's in the area on a just-in-case basis, the YWCA, and cheap hotels. Do you have or how soon could any family or friends get to you in case he files? I'm not saying he will, you need to be prepared in case he does.  

For one they (base legal offices) are going to protect their military member over you. You'll also be giving them a heads up that something is wrong and they might call your husband in to see what is going on. Be very careful here. I'd seek the advice of an outside divorce attorney and during your interviews in finding one, make sure they know how to handle military spouse's benefits if a separation occurs. I'm unsure what you'd be entitled too if anything since you don't have children. Your housing I'm fairly certain will go by the wayside.  Military housing is limited as it is. Be prepared in case this happens, you'll need cash for gas and a hotel if this happens. The military will only give you so long to pack and move your belongings. You might also find storage units close by in case you need them. You won't be allotted the free packing service any longer.  I'm unsure if the military still offers this service.  I'm unsure if speaking with another military wife would be a good idea either.  Unless you can find out some information as in general convo or gossip.  Say bring up how many couples divorce something along this line or if you'd heard of someone getting a divorce. 

You also need to ask yourself - where will you file?  What state you're in vs what state you might be going too, and what the terms are for separation, spousal support etc, etc.  Each individual state is different, easy to find online. What are the state requirements in case you need to move first before you file in case he doesn't.  

I don't mean to frighten you, but this FB thing and his parents already on this page and not telling you or as you said blocking you, tells me that he is going to file and soon, they know something is up and why would they think you and him are no longer married? This doesn't make any sense.  At least to me it doesn't. 

Keep posting and keep us updated.  Good luck. 

jkpeace - There may be some aid available to you from the federal gov't for food, healthcare for the kids etc. Don't worry. He'll have to get another job but it will work itself out. You've come too far in this to let a speed bump throw you off the road. The other aspect is if any agreement is reached for an amount of child support, him not working is his problem and most states still demand he pay you. How he pays is his problem if you are divorced. He'd have to go to court to document why he isn't working and/or cannot find a job to pay his support in the interim. Dig deep. I sense tremendous strength in your words. It's there.