HoldingOn...welcome to our Forum.

 First things first...if you don't confide in somebody, if you keep it to yourself it will do horrible things to your self-esteem, your confidence and the way you see your future. Just because your husband probably doesn't want people to know about his bisexuality...shouldn't mean you have to hold it inside. Find somebody you know will keep your confidence or look for a counselor. This will never be fair on you...this will ALWAYS be balanced in 'his' favor.
 If you click on my name and look through my profile to the link of all my posts you can read my story (go back to the first post in 2017!)..from the time my bisexual partner of 32 years told me he wanted to 'explore' with men...to today. My life has changed quite a bit

 We're ALL here to help

Elle
 

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (May 16, 2020 2:09 pm)

Thank you both for your kind input. It’s nice to feel validated.. especially when this is such bizarre uncharted territory for me,  I will seek out counseling again when all this covid stuff winds down. We went to a therapist together right after he came out to me last year and it was a terrible fit.. she told us we have no other option but to separate. It just made us both feel guilty and terrible and we never went back.

I’m the kind of person that would literally do anything to make people feel comfortable and happy. It isn’t natural to even think about my feelings, but I know I have to If this is ever going to work. My honest worry is he’ll sense my fears and reservations as me telling him this is a hard no, and he’ll completely  go back into hiding about who he is and pretend he’s happy with just me. That’s the last thing I want.

I don’t think there’s an easy solution for any of us any way you look at it. Thank you Daryl for that fire quote... that’s powerful and resonated pretty deep with me!

I don't write here much because this section is for those who are committed to staying in their relationships, and I divorced my trans-identifying husband.
But, I think that as you think through your confusion and your "really hard time convincing [your]self that you're comfortable with it at all" you might benefit from the insights here:  
https://www.chumplady.com/2012/07/five-things-that-keep-you-stuck-with-a-cheater/
Although it's written for those whose spouses have cheated, its lessons are widely applicable, and it speaks to and helps us sort out our confusion, hurt, and indecision.  

Hi holding on. Reading your post I realise how similar my story is to yours. I think I am at the start of where you must have been some months ago. My husband and I have been together over thirty years - since in our teens. We’ve got 3 kids.  We are 56and 58 now. Looking forward to our future until.....  he told me he needed to talk to me about his sexuality. He says he has a gay side (as well as his straight side) that he has repressed for years but needs to be his authentic self now and be open about who he is and maybe even have a relationship as well as what we have. He hopes we can stay married and together but have an open marriage I guess. I’d never even consider another partner. My husband is all I want. The thought that someone else could become his special partner other than me leaves me reeling. But I would consider it I think if we had strict boundaries and I didn’t feel second best or overwhelmed with jealousy. I don’t know if I could make that work. I actually can’t even believe I’m writing these words on this forum. I’m so devastated. 

Thank you tangled oil. I really hope it works for you both. And actually I think it’s probably very wise about not making any life changing decisions. I know that neither me or my husband are in our right minds at the moment. Though I’m guessing he’s had longer to process all this as he’d been discussing with a counsellor several months before he told me. It’s a sorry mess and I feel too tired and sad to try to make it better right now. Thanks so much for your kind words.