OurPath Open Forum
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1 of 1- Kel
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How are we all doing? (wellness check)
How are you doing in your journey? What's new in your recovery and/or the steps you're taking to improve your life? This site isn't just for the big, sensational stories - it's also for the tiny steps that we need a pat on the back from other on. Let us know what's going on in your life.
Kel
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
- phoenix
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Re: How are we all doing? (wellness check)
I'm 75 days out from "D-Day" when she told me she is a lesbian and wants a divorce. I'm about 60 days out from finding proof she cheated on me.
I guess I'm finally out of the zombie grief stage where I was struggling to just put one foot in front of the other. I still cry once in a while and get emotional, but that happens only a couple times a week vs. a couple times a day.
What has been good for me is pushing forward with the divorce process. We've agreed on everything together and did mediation to solidify the agreements, so the biggest stress in my life has been reduced significantly. Now I don't have to lose sleep over custody arrangement and asset distribution.
My struggle now is dealing with loneliness and rejection. I still have to live in the same house with her, and while she isn't cruel or mean (in fact given the situation, I will admit she is being kind to me for the most part), it is still very hard to know that she doesn't love me anymore. It's hard to deal with my need for love and physical touch and knowing it will be a long time before i can find that again.
But, overall, I'm making great progress. I feel like I can manage my life and I know that I will get through this. I refuse to give her any more years of my life feeling broken, sad, depressed, etc.. I am going to get better quickly and I'm going to find joy in my life!
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- Rob
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Re: How are we all doing? (wellness check)
Divorce took over a year and we're only living separate since July. I'm doing ok..just ok. I'm not in hell anymore...alone is better than where I was. I still get occasionally rage/hate from her that can make me shake (PTSD) and set me back. I need to figure out how to move on with my life now. I'm coming from so much hurt and sadness.. taking it one day at a time ..very much adrift.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Judy
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Re: How are we all doing? (wellness check)
Rob - I was in hell as well. Targeted by him and the lover relentlessly. I am the same. EXACTLY. The disgust and rage with no where for it to go. No way to reconcile it. I, like you, know I am better off but I am choking on no consequences for his lack of integrity. How unfair! I am okay. Safe with all I need to survive but still, this is so different than I ever thought I would be experiencing at 65. I wish I would have gotten rid of him decades ago. I feel like I now have no life left. The one thing that keeps me sane and moving on ahead is my 3 wonderful little dogs. Priceless.
Last edited by Judy (September 30, 2016 9:53 pm)
- Bob
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Re: How are we all doing? (wellness check)
I am almost exactly a year from disclosure, about 3 weeks off of one week from when we separated. I'm doing great. I spent the weekend in the company of friends I didn't have a year ago, on saturday it was people I met through my girlfriend who came round for dinner and board games (I won one, woo!), and on sunday I went to watch the NFL at Wembley Stadium for the first time with the guys. I'm now one of the guys, whereas a year ago I only really had one friend. Completely different, and loving it.
Excuse the slight brag - I've been dreading the one year anniversary of when she came out, and then I realised today that I hadn't noticed it must have already passed. I actually can't remember the exact date, and I'm resolutely not looking at the calendar to remind myself!!