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March 19, 2020 1:13 pm  #1

Poppers aka Alkyl nitrites -Gay Party Drug

I am shelter in place and have a lot of time to research unusual occurrences in my past marriage.

Poppers are a very popular party drug for gay men as they increase blood flow within the body. This causes the anus to expand and enhance sexual pleasure.

My late GIDXH had a lot of medical issues coming on starting 6 years after our marriage. He developed varicose veins, had blood clots, deep vein thrombosis, 2 leaky heart valves, cellulitis, high blood pressure, headaches, & sleep apnea.These developed from ages 39 -45. I don’t have Munchausen’s syndrome by proxy. This list of ailments is astonishing to me.

He had problems with incontinence on a daily basis early on.  I refused to wash his underwear. It was smelly.  I had him do it. 

He stopped working because he was laid off at 49. He was by himself when I was at work each day.

Some days I smelled craft/hobby glue when I came home. Or the air would smell like Glade air freshener. The Glade was him but the glue wasn’t. He said a neighbor was probably using it.

These health issues could be natural causes and the smells innocent.  All of this is also indicative of popper abuse.  Poppers smell like air freshener or chemicals like glue. Popper abuse decreases inhibitions. It may explain his physical abuse against me. He may have been abusing Poppers for years.

I’m writing about this because it is a very popular party drug for gays and has been since the 1970s.  If your male SO has a spate of physical problems or your home smells of glue or air freshener, he may be abusing poppers.

Last edited by MJM017 (March 19, 2020 2:59 pm)

No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 

March 30, 2020 9:29 am  #2

Re: Poppers aka Alkyl nitrites -Gay Party Drug

MJM, when I was still living with my STBX, I found something called Jungle Juice in his bag of secret sex toys and equipment.  I'm not up to speed on this stuff, but my gay friend explained to me what it was for.  

My STBX was diagnosed with HIV in 2006, and I happen to think that someone with a compromised immune system should not be playing around with this stuff, but that's just my humble opinion.

In 2016, he started peeing blood and had to go off his HIV meds temporarily.  HIV meds can cause liver damage, and his doctor was trying to figure out whether my STBX had permanent liver damage from all that PLUS his massive drinking habit.  Eventually it was determined that he didn't have actual liver cancer ... yet ... and he went back to taking his meds and of course drinking like a fish.  

Now that we're on opposite coasts, I have no idea how he's faring in this pandemic, but he did e-mail me, cryptically, that he hasn't left the house in days, and that a friend sometimes comes by with groceries.  So I have no clue how he's doing medically, and I actually don't care.


April 5, 2020 4:20 pm  #3

Re: Poppers aka Alkyl nitrites -Gay Party Drug

Hi walk,

My late h acted like he would live forever, regardless of his very bad habits.  I can only explain it as his feeling entitled above other people. He was a god in his own mind who could cheat death. I warned him he was like a cat with 9 lives whose luck would run out.

I heard ‘pity me’ stories after our separation/before our divorce related to returning to work. This was definitely more difficult for him than sponging off me.  The poor me stories were cheese on his mousetrap.

walk, I know you are smart enough not to fall for his cry baby stories about groceries. There are innumerable grocery delivery services in CA & free meal delivery to those with chronic health conditions. I see these trucks all over my neighborhood.

I was happy to place GIDXH in spam & change my cell number after the divorce. This was his opportunity to become an adult.  Unfortunately, he continued his pattern of avoiding his health problems. He only went to the doctor if I spent a couple hours reassuring him and we went together. He would ghost doctor appointments if I didn’t go. 

I just edited this for clarity about these doctors’ visits. He created drama in this area as in many others when we were married.  He was a responsible man when we were dating & engaged. I believe his true self appeared after a few months of marriage.

Take care, walk. I hope you and your children are safe & healthy!!

Last edited by MJM017 (April 5, 2020 10:33 pm)

No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
     Thread Starter

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