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1 of 1- Zappafan
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Ex Wife Transitioning To Male...
So, I have found out that my ex-wife has decided to begin transitioning to male. Apparently this is something that will finally enable her to be who she truly is.
Normally, I wouldn't be terribly concerned with this. But our 18 year old daughter still lives with her. She graduates this year and will be going to community college but still living at home with her mom. My daughter says she is OK with this and wants her mom to be happy...but I also know my daughter and she has always played the role of "peacemaker" between her mom and I. I guess, what I am trying to say is, my daughter wants to please people and wants them to be happy. She hates confrontation and telling people things they might not want to hear.
My worry is this; my daughter does not want to upset her mom and probably does genuinely want her to be happy. But I fear that she may be doing this at the expense of her own feelings and that it may result in problems further down the road.
My daughter and I are going out this afternoon (ironically, I'm taking her to see her therapist...) and we are going to have a talk about it.
I am not sure what my next move should be.
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: Ex Wife Transitioning To Male...
Sounds to me as if you are taking exactly the right steps, by making sure your daughter has a therapist to talk this through with. I would caution you, however, to talk with your daughter after her appointment to ensure that the therapist is committed to helping your daughter work through her feelings, rather than committed to helping your daughter "adjust." Your daughter needs to feel as if she is supported in whatever she feels--and the disappearance of her mother into a semblance of man is absolutely going to raise some difficult feelings in her.
There are some sites out there for children of transitioners. I"m also pasting in below a reference for an academic paper by a practicing therapist who works with the families of those who transition. It's more geared toward the spouse, but much of what it says is applicable to children as well.
Here's the article:
Donna Chapman and Benjamin Caldwell: “Attachment Injury Resolution in Couples When One Partner is Transgender”
Journal of Systemic Therapies, Vol 31, No. 2, 2012, pp36-53
(full text of article available online)
Post script: Your exwife cannot transition to "male." She can transition into "living as (if she were) a man." But none of us can change our underlying genetics of XX or XY.