OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
NOTE: Due to recurring spam abuse, you must register to post.
1 of 1- lily
- Member
Offline
How invisible we are
So I haven't been well and have been lying around watching the tv for the last few days and so there is this discussion panel going on the topic of legislation to make 'Coercive Control' illegal. She made a little list of tactics of coercive control - all things we have talked about here, and gaslighting was one of the first things she mentioned. Ah, I was interested. A youngish woman is spearheading the topic. The majority of women suffering domestic abuse cite it as worse than the physical abuse, she tells us.
Okay so some places have it in place already. Personally I think it's nuts to introduce such legislation, too open to misuse by gaslighters anyway, but she was keen. And then came the bit that floored me. Really it is only the men who do it, she said. Oh. She should spend some time here. There is nothing like the coercive control bisexual women wield over their straight husbands.
- Rob
- Member
Offline
Re: How invisible we are
Yeah, the thing is as I lived my marriage I didn't know any better. My GX and her mood controlled my
entire life..everything was her way or the highway. It wasn't until the end when I was reading an abuse shelter pamphlet in my lawyers office about domestic abuse did I realize how controlled and abused I was.
Sometimes we love too strongly but love was not able to solve living with a gay narcissistic spouse.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
Offline
Re: How invisible we are
I would almost be embarrassed at the naivety.
A personality trait that allows a person to be coercive can't be made illegal.
That's absurd isn't it?
Ah I see in a following post it can indeed be used further on in a r'ship to annul 
But how much proof would one need!
Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (March 1, 2020 6:49 pm)
KIA KAHA
- MJM017
- Member
Offline
Re: How invisible we are
Rob wrote:
Yeah, the thing is as I lived my marriage I didn't know any better. My GX and her mood controlled my
entire life..everything was her way or the highway. It wasn't until the end when I was reading an abuse shelter pamphlet in my lawyers office about domestic abuse did I realize how controlled and abused I was.
Sometimes we love too strongly but love was not able to solve living with a gay narcissistic spouse.
Yes, it is against the law in my state, too, Rob.
Rob, I understand your frustration. I thought my actions would change my own marriage for the better. That’s one bitter lesson I learned is that it cannot. I would bet your ex is doing the same nonsense to her current partner as she did/is doing to you. Personality disorders don’t magically disappear.
I would hope legislation passes give a married partner 5 years to annul a marriage due to fraud (homosexual pretending to be straight). It’s one month now.
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- lily
- Member
Offline
Re: How invisible we are
yeah really Rob. "everything was her way or the highway" It was the same for me, I had no idea I was subject to coercive control techniques. Then comes that moment. It was preceded by a number of other moments but there it was. He wanted to stop me asking him questions, he was threatening that it would upset him, that he would have an anxiety attack if I kept insisting he answer me and I didn't back off and he didn't get anxious, no he was calm as a cucumber and I realised he had been pretending all along.
Once he couldn't lead me around by the nose it was all over. And we could go about the business of divorce step by step, he unleashed a whole new bag of tricks in that too, manipulating friends to put pressure on me and so on, but I was off the hook of his manipulative techniques.
Yes Ellexoh, it does seem ridiculous but already happening, I think the first place was Scotland. 'women's studies' academics have been involved in the legislation and their hope is it will help because the whole relationship is weighed up and the police aren't limited to action only when it is physical. Their idea is the coercive husband who then gets hit on the head with a frying pan by his wife would still be in trouble not just her. I still think it's worse than useless. Particularly when you consider how desperately snowed under the police are anyway.
- •
Thread Starter