I feel in addition to the day I said lets go out to my now husband, starting to take ambien was the close second worse desicion that I made in my life. It is meant for a short term medication but I had such horrible insomnia I was up to quadruple what I should have taken with OTC medication for sleep (after trying melatonin, valerian root, no electronics, no TV, or any other non drug related interventions) It has been a dramatic increase in the severity of the insomnia for about the last ten years. I do not know what it is like anymore to just fall asleep on my own without the help of something. I remember when my friend was still alive, he died in 2017 (7/17/17) from a heroin overdose, he was concerned that I WOULD be the one who accidentially overdosed with the amount of stuff I was taken to fall asleep. After he died it got worse for a while because even though I would love to go back to when I thought I had issues in my marriage THEN compared to now he was the soft place for me to land when I was having issues. We had been friends since I was 13 years old. I started getting better with it and slowly was tapering down to where taking 1/2 of a 5 mg pill which is the smallest pill was almost too much for me because I could tell based on how it made me feel and how fast I fell asleep. But, in the wake of everything going on with my husband it slowly started getting worse again where sometimes 5 mg isnt enough to fall asleep. It is also where I just want to fall asleep fast so anything I can do to esentially pass out is what I aim for. I know the only way I could probably get off of this is cold turkey to just go a weekend without taking anything and see if it resets my body. I had wanted to get a hotel one weekend just to be alone without any responsibilities so If i dont sleep its ok and if i fall asleep at like 3pm the next day that is ok because at home that could never happen but now I fear anything I do is being monitored to be used against me. Like, see she went off to a hotel on a weekend alone to get off her drugs. I know that is not what I am doing but he will twist anything against me so i havent done that. Plus, the money factor of it because he uses that against me too even though he is the one who spends a lot of money even though I see the checking account too and he spends 210 a month just on junk like red bull. Sorry, off the topic. I just am so tired of being dependent on what seems like everything and everyone these days and this is just another aspect of my life he has messed up because I was starting to get better with the ambien and I am back to where I was a year ago  

Me