I hear you! I am in the process of making my bedroom "mine" again -- repainting, redecorating, and changing things up so that it reflects me and no longer has any connections to my ex. I'm slowly trying to do that with my entire house.

I suffered years of loneliness when sleeping next to a wife who had no interest or desire in me. Lying alone, together, is what I used to think of it. I was married, sleeping in a bed with my wife, and lonely beyond measure. I'm less alone now that she has moved out if that makes any sense.

I treated myself on Valentine's Day to a meal of food that I am not supposed to be eating. A big juicy burger! I felt rather empty while I ate it though. I didn't get the warm, fuzzy feelings I was looking for. I just felt like this would be how many extra hours of exercise to deal with all those carbs! :-)

I have made myself super busy to counter the loneliness. I spend my days from 5:00am to midnight filling my schedule as much as possible. Idle time is the most difficult for me. I've gotten so many projects done it isn't funny! My house is always clean, the laundry is always done, dishes are always clean. I'm so on top of things! But I get tired, too. I want to take some time off to just relax but that time often brings me down and the blues kick in.

As for the blues, I spend my time writing music to work through those times. I have written more stuff in horrible minor keys than I ever could imagine! :-) But that's simply a reflection of where my heart is at these days. Soon, I hope to hear major keys take over again as brighter days are ahead for me I'm sure.
 

Kudos to you both on Valentines day for some well deserved self care.     

Valentines day for me is much better now  because   I do not have to worry about getting my GX something..
When I was married there was no gift I could give her;  flowers, candy, jewelry  on Valentines day  (other holidays also)   that was good enough..   nothing was ever enough.  She was never happy  with what I got her...or if she was mildly happy with it  I was so relieved to hot have to face the anger and or nasty comments..  The stress she caused me with gifts  I do not miss.

StraightSpouse,

Alone is ok..    I know it feels terrible but  your bedroom sounds like my "safe spot" I had in the basement.    A safe place is very important...even it you're alone..  You're alone, for now.   You may  not have many people to text,  for now.     I would sit and read the psalms, watch hallmark movies with heterosexual relationships..     Alone is so much better than being with an abusive spouse  or a fake, covert spouse.

A sincere ehug to you,  prayers and thought of stoic strength and comfort.

 

Married to Denial:
I am kind of envious of the magic mushrooms. 

I get the whole starting over fear. I went from FT to PT when I had my daughter six years ago because my husband didnt want me to work while she was young especially not in school but now it goes from now how do i find a full time job that works around his schedule with day care I have been at my job 18 years so i dont want to leave but there is not FT work. Why do I HAVE TO change EVERYTHING about my life because MY husband wants to be a girl? Doesnt seem fair that he gets to be happy while I am miserable and have to learn to change everything I have known for two decades. 
My husband is narcisstic too

I found it was easier to endure Valentine's Day without a husband, than have to go through the motions with a husband.  I had a refreshing surprise -- a childhood best friend I'd recently re-connected with on Facebook contacted me because she was going to be visiting her kids near me.  So she said "I don't suppose you're actually free on Valentine's Day for dinner?" and I burst out laughing.  I told her it was the best Valentine's Day offer I'd had in decades.