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February 15, 2020 10:46 am  #21


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

It makes me feel uncomfortable, too.  My point was to say people gravitate to music they like and where they feel accepted.   I know this because I do this as does everyone else. I like Sylvester and The Village People, (I wanted to be a professional dancer & love disco) among many, many, many other musical acts.



If others wish to profile, that leads to problems that are just as detrimental as a troubled marriage.

Last edited by MJM017 (February 15, 2020 11:38 am)


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

February 15, 2020 11:17 am  #22


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

I couldn't agree more with OoHC. I believe it's more important to use critical thinking and watch for anomalies in what they say and do. Someone who's not being 100% open with you should likely be avoided no matter what their orientation is.
 


“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
 

February 15, 2020 11:47 am  #23


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

Someone asked about gay music and some named Madonna and other names as example so I honestly did not think specifically Prince and Grey's Anatomy will be taken differently. I was not intend to profile anything at all. When I searched a lot about my GH a while ago, I read some article that saying some TV shows as signs or the entry to a gay world. I should've educated myself first. I'm sorry, hope you understand my true intention.

I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable..

Last edited by lavender-mocha (February 15, 2020 11:55 am)

     Thread Starter
 

February 15, 2020 12:27 pm  #24


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

Sorry for asking my question.  I was right, it was a stupid question.  I apologize.  

 

February 15, 2020 1:02 pm  #25


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

Actually, Leslie77, it wasn’t. There are gay icons such as Cher, Madonna, Lady Gaga, & Judy Garland because they are/were accepting of gay men. That is true.  I misunderstood  that you meant liking this music meant a man was gay. No, not true.


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

February 15, 2020 9:44 pm  #26


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

Whirligig ... This struck a cord with Me

and it was never naturally warm and affectionate.

I think that says it all in terms of knowing.. This does not exist because it’s all an act!  You cant  fake warm affection.


All the pain money can buy,,, 
 

February 22, 2020 10:17 am  #27


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

"It's only now, in hindsight, I understand: he was projecting on to me his own duplicity, and I was projecting on to him my own honesty.  People can think I was gullible, but in reality I don't think like a cheater, so it's hard for me to see how someone else would actually chose to spend a lifetime as a cheater.

So I would say the red flag for me was this kind of hostility and suspicion.  If I have it to do over again, I'm going to watch and see if a man treats me like he believes in me completely.  If he treats me like I'm trustworthy, that will tell me whether he's actually trustworthy".


Walkbymyself said it well! I just had this conversation with someone recently.  This is what happened to me.  I trusted because I’m NOT hiding anything and assume others aren’t.  This scares me because I will have to curb that to be safe in the future, but I don’t want to live in fear of everyone’s motives. 
That post and responses to it have me thinking about other red flags that I saw and rationalized:
1. Insecurity meeting people important to you, like your family.  (Because they know the truth that they are not being real, they fear others will see through them.  They already have us hoodwinked after all.)
2. Sort of odd, over the top, and dramatic declarations of devotion to you particularly if there are others around to hear it.  I’m thinking of that time 4 months into our relationship, I collapsed due to vertigo, and my neighbor called the ambulance and my GID boyfriend.  He came rushing to my home from an hour away.  He sweeps in as if his arrival is saving the day, and says “Someday one of us will die in the other’s arms”.  Even in my nauseous, dizzy state my gut reaction to that was, Uh….a little drama?  It didn’t make me feel better, at all.
3. Questioning the motives of longtime friends that he had no reason at all to mistrust.  Basically just another branch of the behavior so well-described by walkbymyself.
4. Ability to stride effortlessly in your high heels.  He liked clowning in social gatherings, so I took it as comic performance, but in retrospect of course, as a closeted CD and G, he had years of practice at that. 
5. I think my GIDH is also a narcissist, and there were plenty of instances where I wondered why he couldn’t muster empathy for someone else.  Everything was about him even when it wasn’t.
6. Adrenaline seeking, and risk-taking behaviors.  Then later, sharing the stories over and over with others.

 

August 12, 2021 3:06 pm  #28


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

Ladies, I know this sounds uncouth and crude, but from a straight man I can let you into a little secret. Half in jest, but they do say that “never a truer word is spoken in jest”.

Bend over in front of any heterosexual man and look backwards to see if he is looking. If he is looking intently at your backside he is straight. If he looks away quickly, he is straight (we have a natural “hand in the cookie jar” reflex that is innate). It may be that he hasn’t noticed which does happen. Let out a small sigh to attract attention, this will draw his attention which then should become fixated. There is some part of a heterosexual man’s brain that is automatically attracted to the female form when adopting this posture. I have been known to utter expletives at the impropriety of experiencing this phenomenon when the subject of my attention was wholly inappropriate. I’m doing it before I know I’m doing it, even if I know it’s wrong it still can’t be helped.


And now here is my secret, a very simple secret. It is only with the heart that one can see clearly that which is essential is invisible to the eye.
 

August 12, 2021 3:12 pm  #29


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

Deleted

Last edited by longwayhome (August 20, 2021 10:52 am)


I can almost see it, That dream I'm dreaming...There's always gonna be another mountain, I'm always gonna wanna make it move...The Climb - Miley Cyrus
 

August 13, 2021 9:33 am  #30


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

Ordinary guy wrote:

Ladies, I know this sounds uncouth and crude, but from a straight man I can let you into a little secret. Half in jest, but they do say that “never a truer word is spoken in jest”.

Bend over in front of any heterosexual man and look backwards to see if he is looking. If he is looking intently at your backside he is straight. If he looks away quickly, he is straight (we have a natural “hand in the cookie jar” reflex that is innate). It may be that he hasn’t noticed which does happen. Let out a small sigh to attract attention, this will draw his attention which then should become fixated. There is some part of a heterosexual man’s brain that is automatically attracted to the female form when adopting this posture. I have been known to utter expletives at the impropriety of experiencing this phenomenon when the subject of my attention was wholly inappropriate. I’m doing it before I know I’m doing it, even if I know it’s wrong it still can’t be helped.

This was, of course, how Elle Woods discovered the pool boy was gay....He was unresponsive to the "bend and snap." ;) 

It was also how this real-life "Straight Wife" outed her husband. I discovered this blog early on during the deep MF phase. I was so grateful to be able to laugh at something. 

True Story: Elle Woods outed my husband



 

 

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